GOLDEN MIND

throwback

2011-08-20T07:48:00.002-04:00

so i logged onto facebook one day and i had a bunch of notifications waiting for me, all including a pic that was put up of me and comments that were left under it. so i go and click on the notification to see the pic and what pops up on the screen... the picture shown above... of me in the 1st grade.. LOL... i could not believe that someone actually dug it up and had the nerves to tag me.. its crazy looking back at how much you have grown. it makes you realize even more how fast time flies by and that time truly waits on no man. i can still remember the first grade like it was nothing. i remember ms. wein my first grade teacher. i remember all the work she had us do and how hard everyone thought her class was. growing up i always wanted to grow up. i always wanted to be older. first i couldn't wait until i was sixteen, then i couldn't wait until i was eighteen, then i couldn't wait until i was twenty one. now that i am about to be twenty three in nine days and time is just flying, i wish i was in the first grade all over again. i miss the days of being care free and not having to worry about anything at all. man i miss those days.

Natural Look

2011-08-20T07:11:00.003-04:00

so ive been going natural for a little over four months now...and last week i decided to cut off what was left of my straight ends. i should have been cut off my straight ends because the breakage between my natural hair and processed hair was HORRIBLE!!! lol i was fooling myself talking about i just needed the extra hair for when i braid my hair up for weaving... but anyway so i finally cut my straight ends off and after four months of going natural this is what i am left with. surprisingly i love my hair alot more now than i thought i would... i am feeling the whole tiny fro thing. and i have been looking on natural hair sites and blogs for support. but my partner in this all is my twin she is going natural as well, actually she inspired me. she has been natural for about a year now and her hair is amazingly strong, long, and healthy. im trying to get like her. although we are both natural and are twins we have completely different hair textures. her hair is tightly coiled and when she wets it hers shrink, my hair on the other hand is soft and has absolutely no curl pattern, the picture above is my hair after i towel dried it coming out of the shower, no shrinkage, no nothing. i am excited about this journey and i will be posting a follow up picture in october to update you all.

are any of you going natural? how do you feel about the process? your hair texture? leave me some feedback.

Loving Thy Self

2011-06-04T19:10:00.001-04:00

Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo.

has anyone else seen this video...what are your thoughts on it?

i have alot to say but i will let you all speak first.

FAMU at it again

2011-03-30T22:58:00.000-04:00

These FAMU bitches put no worth on their pussy...SMH

2011-02-09T19:49:00.000-05:00

"praying for better days"

2010-12-03T04:12:00.003-05:00

is it possible to run out of tears? to have cried so much that you cant cry anymore?

2010-12-02T04:17:00.000-05:00

*fans self* raheem did his thang!

Lady or A Tramp

2010-11-30T04:04:00.005-05:00

i am so tired of females walking around talking about "im a lady", "i carry myself like a lady", " a lady dont do this," and "a lady dont do that," and the best one yet.. "i am nothing like her, i carry myself as a lady"....... *PAUSE* fyi: just because you are of the female species that does not make you a lady. i dont even think that half the people walking around now a days know the true definition of a female.

a lady is defined as: A WOMAN WHO IS REFINED, POLITE, AND WELL- SPOKEN.

now unless you are refined, polite and well spoken, you can not consider yourself a lady

a lady does not:

talk about other females in a negative connotation

get sloppy drunk

inflect pain or misery on others

&& a lady definitely does not FUCK EVERY DUDE SHE ENCOUNTERS!!!!

now i dont know when it became lady like to spread your pussy thin. i dont care what year we are in and how much times have changed, it never was and never will be lady like to fuck mad dudes.. like who does that. and when did it become ok?!?!

if you consider yourself a lady yet you sleeping with almost every nigga who spit game to you, reality check, you are not a lady you are a tramp. stop using the term "lady" loosely because clearly you dont know the true meaning behind the term. if you think it is okay to just give your body to different people then you have a problem. there is something inside of you so ugly that it has blinded you from your true worth. it irritates the hell out of me and makes me sick to see beautiful females treat THEMSELVES like trash. why would you? how dare you? Gods beautiful creation, and you treat YOURSELF like dirt.... SMH such a tragedy

you cant call yourself a lady when you make yourself readily available to EVERY dude you meet/encounter/talk to... that is not lady like

get naked!!!

2010-11-28T17:09:00.002-05:00

so this is how a queen b act?

self love

2010-11-09T00:47:00.002-05:00

my beauty is undefined

my worth is priceless

i dont need anyone to define who i am

I KNOW WHAT RESIDES IN ME!

Vote

2010-11-02T10:37:00.004-04:00

everyone please go out and vote today. you have no say in the state of our nation if you do not vote. you all helped elect President Obama so dont say that you're vote wont count. it will. lets make a difference today. right now, go out and vote. polls are open from 7 am till 7 pm..

if you go to http://maps.google.com/vote it will tell you your polling stations location and all necessary information. not knowing the candidates is not an excuse. like i said polls are open till 7 pm, that is ample time to do your research. stop the excuses and go vote.. love you all. stay blessed. xoxo

Words from my sissy poo

2010-10-29T12:42:00.003-04:00

"the same way you be dealing with everybody else you need to sit that nigger down and put him in his place, you need to be sturn.. but thats what happen when you start a cycle and idc what you say, because what i am saying to you is the truth...and i wouldnt talk to you if i did not LOVE you. see, you are a college educated woman, what were you doing picking up this hoodrat in the first place...i know the heart wants what the heart wants but you need to tame that shit and think about other factors... he had a record way before yall even hooked up you had no business. dont be mad with what i am saying but now that this shit has hit the roof i can say what i want to say because that door could have easily been your face... come on this shit is ridiculous

and the more im talking about it the more upset im getting...i swear i dont know if you like the drama, the up and down, or is this what some folks call "hood love" but you WILL go on TIMEOUT if you pick this NIGGER back up again and I am serious, you need to call tmobile and block his number from your phone."

im always in control.. i always have full control over my life and everything around me, when did i lose my grasp on things... im the rock in my family, the one person everyone turns to and now my sister is giving me advice and telling me about myself when im the one that usually does all the talking.. i feel like its all out of my hands..

I Know Who I Am

2010-10-29T12:42:00.000-04:00

fuck the police

2010-10-29T03:12:00.003-04:00

so my ex just kicked down my door at one o'clock in the morning, and the police said there is nothing that they can do about it because they did not see him do it (apparently they have to witness a crime being committed), and two because it is a misdemeanor...soooooo basically they are telling me that next time he can kick down my door, beat my ass, and dip and there is nothing they can do about it because they didn't witness it themselves... BULLSHIT!!!!

everytime i decide to move on his pulls a stunt like this...im soooo fucking over it.. what the fuck is the police for if they cant fucking serve and protect..isnt that what they are supposed to do?!?! shit last time i checked thats what they pledge...

i can see the finish line

2010-10-05T07:18:00.004-04:00

sorry all ive been mia from blogging lately but a sista been busy with school, tutoring, naacp, chemistry lab, biology, lab, study sessions, and no sleep.. simply put.. A SISTA TRYING TO GRADUATE..... i cant wait for the day when i finally have my bachelors degree in hand, its been long and trying but i am finally going to make it to the finish line. i changed my major from nursing to biology and i have spoken to my new advisor and i will be graduating summer 11'... i am too excited...i just pray to God that all works out as planned and i continue to pass all my classes

i cant wait to hold my degree like these young ladies that recently graduated from my school this past summer... i am soooooo proud of myself. for so long i had been told i couldnt do it, and i am, and i will continue to do it. i wont lie, i even doubted myself. growing up i didnt even think i will graduate from high school, and its not because i was dumb, its because of my attitude towards life. now i am here three semesters away from completing my bachelors degree and looking forward to my masters. God is good, He has blessed me... I cant wait till this summer to see the smile on my mother and sister face. to see the people who stood behind me all along proud of ME.

and as far as changing my major from nursing to biology, no worries i will be going back to school for nursing after i complete this bachelors degree and then i will go on to a masters program to become a nurse practitioner...

abuse?!?!

2010-10-05T06:35:00.002-04:00

i'm jamaican and my mother gave me some assenings in my life, but never nothing like this.. this is sad.. this is not discipline. it is abuse, its disturbing, and its wrong on soooo many levels.. idk where these people are from but their accents or not jamaican, hatian, or trinidadian... to me they sound guyanese.. but anywho tell me what yall think.. supposedly she is dating an older man so her mother beat her ass down.

after the hurricane

2010-09-22T03:00:00.002-04:00

when you give your heart to someone and they continuously do you wrong, over and over, after a while they damage you... being in a one sided relationship/situation hurts. its painful and its embarrassing.. i love this song (its been on replay for two weeks now)... such a beautiful song

p-l-u-s-h

2010-09-12T19:15:00.003-04:00

my new tattoo... p-l-u-s-h: peace, love, unity, strength and harmony

does it mean

2010-09-08T07:02:00.007-04:00

i never loved him...

i mean technically i did give up right?!?! when i sent that last message, when i deleted his numbers, threw out every single picture we had and letter we exchanged, when i walked away from it all i gave up.. or was it just simply moving on... his best friend walked up to me on campus today and said "its F-ed up how you did my bruh" (his words not mine) and it made me so mad i just looked at him and walked away... no one knows what i went through with him.. no one.. what i reveal to friends, family, and my personal site is not even half of everything, so for someone else to say some shit like im fucked up, foul, shady.. it just makes me want to curse them out and slap them in their face.. but its fine. i dont ever expect anyone to understand what we had, what i went through i why i chose to leave now.. my cousin asked me "why now? why four years later? you should of been left when all the bullshit started." granted she is right but dont tell me what to do. i did leave so thats all that matters... when it comes to matters of the heart, it cant be controlled. ive always admitted to myself that i tried to hold on to what used to be, i tried to make something work that had failed a long time ago... but in the end i moved on... so does that mean i never loved him?!?! it depends on who you ask but honestly i dont care about others opinions... i know i loved that man, i loved him for four years, its no denying that.. if i didnt i wouldnt have stayed.

@missjay_616- it doesnt mean you never loved him. Could just mean you knew were settling and deserved more

@chaychay28- nope! Not at ALL... dont believe that mess.

@shadae_27- noone can ever truly know what your heart holds for him but God. let God be the judge.

our generation is in big trouble

2010-09-07T04:52:00.004-04:00

read these two post before attempting to read this one: free from chains of love and baby drama

i wonder when does loving someone gets old?.. its crazy what us females would put up with just to say that we have someone. and its sickening to see how some of those who call themselves "men" treat women. i will never generalize all men and put them in one box and say that they are all dogs, no good, or whatever other term and phrase thats being used lately to describe those of the male species. but i will say this: our generation is in trouble.

all those who read my blog knows the struggle that i went through with my ex. fighting for something that did not need to be saved. holding on to what "used to be" instead of what was going on in the present. trying to salvage something that couldnt be fixed. i am so proud of myself to know that i let it go, and honestly i have never felt any better.. even now as i am writing this i feel so empowered because although i blog and post here and there on twitter no one will ever know what i really went through with this man. its easy for people to talk when they are on the outside looking in, when they are not the ones experiencing everything, all the emotions, ups and downs, everything. thats why i never judge other peoples relationships, well i try not to. if a friend ask me my opinion i tell him/her what i think, but before i start talking i always tell them "i will never tell you to leave him/her but if you stay something has got to change" and then i proceed with what i have to say.

i degrees anyway.... like i was saying our generation is in trouble... BIG TROUBLE! being in this relationship for four years i realized many things...

1. We live in a selfish society

2. Our generation is rootless and self centered

3. Morals and values are virtually non existent

4. Many boys no longer evolve and become men

5. There are not enough fathers in the homes teaching their boys how to become "GOOD" MEN

6. Mothers although present, are not teaching their daughters how to become respectable, intelligent women.

7. Everyone has a agenda

8. Although STD and STI's are a big problem in our generation and society people are still not using proper precautions to prevent against them.

9. Pride is a bigger problem than i initially thought.

(feel free to add to this list if you like, i know im missing some things)

ok couldnt figure out what my number ten was but here it goes and please correct me if you think i am wrong.

10. The role of mothers having to be both mother and father in the home has shifted roles in society, females are more masculine than men, and men are not able to handle the females that we evolved into.

there will be a part two to this post..dont really like my post being long.. but tell me what do you think is wrong with our society and relationships? what is the correlation?

love quotes

2010-09-05T01:45:00.001-04:00

"I'd rather someone show me they love me and never tell me than tell me they love me all the time and never show it."

"If love aint a GOOD enough reason to make you come home, then stay where you at."

babs washed up ass

2010-09-03T03:20:00.001-04:00

so this is what she has come to?!?! smh.. pathetic.. talking about licking clean vaginas and swoll poles..

its my birthday and i can party if i want to

2010-08-28T04:58:00.003-04:00

so my 22nd birthday is tomorrow sunday, august 29th and i am too excited.. i have already started my birthday celebrations... God knows i am blessed.. blessed indeed. i have been through alot, seen some rough days but i know that everything happens for a reason. and God has bought me this far. 22 years of mayhem... 22 years of blessings.... anywho me and my girls got fucked up last night (thursday, pics coming soon).. tonight was low key. but later tonight we are going innnnnnnn.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME && HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL MY FELLOW VIRGOS..

ohh and rest in peace michael jackson, sunday would of been your day too.

3 things

2010-08-21T00:34:00.000-04:00

three things in life that, once gone, never come back

1. first kiss

2. first love

3. first pregnancy

three thing in life that may never be lost

1. purpose in life

2. true character

3. dreams and goals

three things in life that are most valuable

1. freedom

2. self love

3. forgiveness

three things that make a man/woman

1. values/ principles

2. goals

3. self worth

three things in life that can destroy a man/woman

1. anger

2. pain

3. approval

three things to give away everyday

1. love

2. joy and happiness

3. wisdom

three things that are truly constant

1. God

2. Gods love

3. Gods presence

shorty on the phone with her man and fucking another nigga

2010-08-15T03:58:00.003-04:00

bitches be foul as fuck..shorty on the phone with her man and she fucking another nigga..smh i be telling people these down south broads is ruthless

What is love?

2010-08-13T22:48:00.006-04:00

Today on twitter one of my followers asked the question:What is love?

here are some responses that both she and i recieved from our followers....

What is Love?

Love makes you blind

Love is knowing that in the end, the risk was worth it all.

Love can be something that builds you, or something that kills you.

Love is wholeheartedly devoting yourself to one.. There is no half stepping in love.

Love is forever holding a place in your heart for that person.

Love is looking back on the good time and the bad and knowing that they were worth it all.

Love is knowing when to love from a distance, but still loving forever and always

Love is sticking together through the bad times and the good times, but knowing when its time to walk away

Love is knowing that someone is capable of hurting you but trusting them enough not to

Love is hoping for sunshine but preparing for rain..

Love is knowing that no matter what, you two will always be together

Love is seeing your future in their eyes.

Love is the best feeling you can feel..

Love is when you no he's not perfect but you see him perfectly.. Love is thinking about him day and night

Love is seeing him how no one else does.

love is when you love yourself enough to let down your guard and let someone else in

free from chains of love

2010-08-12T03:43:00.009-04:00

Eminem- "25 to Life"

I dont think she understand the sacrifices that i made

maybe if the bitch had acted right i would've stayed

but ive already wasted over half of my my life i woud've laid

down and died for you i no longer cry for you

no more pain

bitch, you took me for granted, took my heart

................

i gave up my life for you, totally devoted to you

always in a rush to get back to you, i aint heard you yet

not even once say you appreciate me, i deserve respect

................

and i wont be coming back so dont hold your fucking breath

you know what youve done no need to go in depth

................

all i ever felt was this helplessness

imprisoned by a selfish bitch, chew me up and spit me out

i fell for this so many times, its ridiculous

and i still i stick with this, im sick of this

my friends keep asking why i cant just walk away

but this time i aint changing my mind

im climbing out this abyss

this song has been on repeat since ive downloaded eminem's album, this song is deeper than any that ive heard in a long time. i guess it speaks volumes to me because of all that i am going through right now and the decisions that i have recently made in regards to my relationship (or ex relationship). i feel eminem and everything he is saying. the first time i heard this song the words caught my attention, but because i wasnt really paying attention i really didnt get to experience it fully. after the song was done i automatically replayed it, the second time i listened to the song i cried... i cried hard and long. i sat on my couch and balled. since this song has come into my life it opened my eyes and made me realize things that I DID NOT WANT TO SEE.

a couple of weeks ago i looked in the mirror and i look so tired.. still youthful but very tired.. i still smiled but my natural shine was no longer coming through, and it easy to brush it off until other people stars mentioning it, then it becomes a problem

when i started apologizing for things that had nothing to do with me, that was not my fault i knew that this relationship was a problem

when he started going through my stuff i realized it was a problem

when he attempted to kick down my door... I KNEW I HAD TO END THIS!

there are alot of things i can deal with and i have dealt with. there is alot of things that i have put up with but everyone has a limit and i have reached mine.

ive said i was done before but i know that this time its true. everyday when i look at him i used to see fireworks in my head, the only thoughts that ran through my head was "this man is going to be my husband, i love him, he is my bestfriend, wow so this is what it feels like" i literally saw my future in his eyes. last week when i looked at him i was disgusted, there was no fireworks, no vision, no nothing. i simply felt nothing, the only thought that ran through my head was this: "four fucking years.. i wasted four years with you, waiting for you to get right.smh"

and if i wasnt sure before if i was really done with him this time, last week was even more confirmation for me. im telling you God is always on time.

when the whole baby thing went down and he saw nothing wrong with the whole situation, he didnt feel the need to explain, apologize, or nothing i was disgusted

im not mad/wasnt mad about the possibility of him having a second child. im pissed because if there is someone else out there claiming that you are the father of their child that means you had to have had unprotected sex with this girl (the condom broke line is for the birds i know the deal), and if you are out there having unprotected sex with this girl, how many other girls are you having unprotected sex with.. you put me at risk and my life in danger. how can you possibly love me when you are out there fucking bitches raw, you dont love me, not at all. your selfish ass loves no one but yourself. my life in danger was the straw that broke the camels back.

i no longer trust you, no longer believe anything you say, i no longer have the desire to make love to you.. so why stay? there is nothing keeping me but time and memories and honestly it kept me long enough, but its not strong enough to sustain another day... I CANT

ive realized through all this that: LOVE ISNT ALWAYS ENOUGH

i cant say that i dont love him because i do, but i love myself alot more and im wise enough to know that i have to move on.

fall apart

2010-08-08T16:16:00.001-04:00

"Sometimes there's nothing u can do but watch everything fall apart" - @relationships101

aint it the truth... feel like thats what im doing now...

baby drama

2010-08-08T13:56:00.006-04:00

ladies what would you do if your boyfriend/boo/significant other already has one kid and you found out that there is a possibility that he may be the father to another?!?!

scenario: you two broke up for about five months, got back together and now you have been together for a year and a month strong (problems of course but no breakups or big blow outs). you just recently found out (like a week ago) that there is a female out there claiming her five month old daughter to be his and he has known about it for a month and havent said anything to you about it, you find out from his sister over twitter and when you ask him about it he gets mad and flips it (well try to) on you saying you are being nosey and worrying yourself about things that dont concern you... oooo yeah and you two have been together for four years on and off

TWITTER:

1. oops my bad *daughters11:19 AM Aug 3rd via mobile web
2. don't mention my business??? negro please! stop forcing ya mom to pay for ur daughter, bum!11:17 AM Aug 3rd via mobile web
3. my bro is a mess!!! don't be tryin to textargue wit me...betta choose ya battles b4 I blast u! dummies I swear
ask him since he blowing my phone up, u just couldn't wait to say sumn to him lmao
ma dukes says my bro is gettin put on child support by his 2nd babymom bc he keep denyin the child. funny thing is Da baby look jus like him10:36 AM Aug 3rd via mobile web
just got off the phone wit my mom, she has all the gossip.

how would you feel? what would you say to him? would you stay or leave?

give me your entire thoughts

hide your kids.. hide your wife.. && hide your husband

2010-08-08T04:32:00.003-04:00

cause they raping everyone out here... lmao #dead...

funny thing is huntsville, al is 1:30 min away from my school.. i aint know they had a ghetto

now them news people know they was dead wrong for reporting this fuckery

CONGRATULATIONS

2010-08-05T02:46:00.004-04:00

to you both Tiny and T.I... wishing you both the best and happiness in your marriage... Hope to find a love like yours one day

word?!?!?!

2010-08-03T09:56:00.005-04:00

so alicia keys and swizzy has tied the knot.. kudos to the both of you.. but my question to you alicia is this:

how long you think its gonna take before you become the next mashonda?!?!

and why marry a man you dont trust?!?!

yeah we all know you dont trust your husband cause when he did the track with nicki your ol pregnant ass quickly ran up to the studio and sat there for six hours to make sure aint shit was going down... im just saying

but shit best of luck to the both of you and your unborn child..wishing you two nothing but the best.. its not my job to judge, although i do it anyway...

YOU STILL LOOK GOOD THOUGH GIRL..PREGNANT AND ALL.

if you really knew me you would know that

2010-07-20T23:31:00.002-04:00

i love my family, especially my twin sister..she is my best friend

i manage to smile no matter what

sometimes i lock myself in my room, sit in the dark and i cry

i hurt more than i let on

i used to have a bad relationship with food (purge)

sometimes i wish i could get away

i wonder why im still not done with school.. i feel like a failure at times

i almost lost my life twice (&& im still standing)

i am stronger than my enemies

i love hard

sometimes i laugh just to keep from crying

i love my body but i know i can lose some weight

im scared of the future

i dont regret my past but i resent the person i was

i have caused alot of pain

i am scared of dying

i will give up everything i had just to make sure everyone else around me was happy

ive lost a pregnancy

I HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO.. I AM STILL LEARNING

love

2010-07-14T21:03:00.002-04:00

IF YOU CANT LOVE ME THE WAY THAT I NEED TO BE LOVED, THEN DONT LOVE ME AT ALL

taking things day by day

thoughts

2010-07-14T17:03:00.001-04:00

it sucks to be in love with someone who doesnt love you back

Letter to my sister

2010-07-12T16:36:00.005-04:00

Dear Ray,

Although we are not blood sisters, you mean the world to me. I dont think you will ever understand how much you mean to me, I hold you close and dear to my heart. I know that right now you are having a hard time, and things seem to be falling apart, I just want you to know that God has your back. Family is important, guaranteed, but sometimes the closest family isnt blood. The way that your family is treating you right now makes me sick ands all at the same time, so I can only imagine how you feel. I wont try to understand it and I wont tell you that I understand what you are going through because I dont, all I know is that I cried foryou this morning. When you shared with me what your mother said, I broke down and cried, your pain is my pain. I could never imagine having family, let alone my own parents turn their back on me. But Ray, I want you to know that I am here. I am with you the entire way through. My family is your family, and together we will get through this rough patch. I pray that your mother, father and family will soon get over themselves and guide you during this pregnancy and everything else in life, but just in case they dont, know that you have nothing to worry about because your family goes far beyond just your immediate, we all are here for you. Despite what they may think, your future is still and forever bright, and you will not allow them to dim your shine. God has blessed you with a little blessing, and I know that he or she will grow up to be great just like their mother, because God has already paved their path. He has already made it what it is. I cant wait to see my little niece and nephew. Dont worry about what your family says, you keep your baby, and you show them that your gift is a blessing, and through all the hatred they threw your way, you still found a way to rise above it all. God never puts more on us than we can bear, he knew us before we knew ourselves, therefore this was meant to be. I'll continue to pray for you and the health of your baby everynight. I will pray for thehealth of you and J relationship. and I will continue to be the best friend and sister that I can possibly be, because just like you have been blessed with this wonderful fetus, I have been blessed with you. I love you Ray... We all do.

couples vacation

2010-07-12T16:26:00.001-04:00

so my boyfriend and i along with two other couples (we are all friends) want to go away on a couples retreat for the second week of august. we have all agreed that we need a break from the real world. only problem is that it is short notice and we are having trouble deciding where to go. so bloggers what are some great romantic getaway destinations. i was thinking myrtle beach, orlando or somewhere in tennesse...what are some of your options?

2010-07-10T11:09:00.003-04:00

my boyfriend had a minor heart attack last night.. thank God it wasnt major (stress induced) and that he is as healthy as he is because it could have been alot of worst. its so scary to have to see him go through this especially when he is so strong. Please pray for him for me and with me. I know that with God all things are possible and with faith everything will be okay.

do you believe in the illuminati?

2010-07-04T10:13:00.000-04:00

advice to a friend

2010-06-24T08:45:00.002-04:00

"of course you always have to be realistic but sometimes its good to live in the right now. to live your fairy tale and pray that it becomes reality.. life's about dreams"

"you cant prevent what's meant to be. you have to take risk and just pray that he is the one"

L_O_V_E

2010-06-15T01:37:00.002-04:00

Love knows no reasons

Love knows no lies

Love defies all reasons,

Love has no eyes

But love is not blind

Love sees but doesn't mind

Love is the best medicine

And there is more than enough to go around once you open your heart.

so what yall think?

2010-06-10T13:56:00.001-04:00

only in nyc do

2010-06-09T12:10:00.002-04:00

you see shit like this.. makes you want to second guess sitting your ass down hunh?!?! especially if you wearing shorts, skirt or dress.. smh

so we still with...

2010-06-09T12:08:00.001-04:00

this barbie epidemic..

Great Day.. Great Blessings

2010-05-23T05:59:00.002-04:00

today was a beautiful day.. i spent the entire day with my sister and friends. i couldnt ask for anything more.. from about nine this morning we were all together, breakfast, conversation, lunch, pool, and the game.. and despite the fact that i shed a little tears i really couldnt ask for a better day. it was a gorgeous and beautiful day and i just thank God that i was alive to experience it with people who i care about and care about me.. and at the end of the day I know they have my best interest at heart.. I love these girls.. I have realized that God will unexpectedly put people in your life for a reason.

*i def need to get that tattoo on my foot covered up*

questioning worth

2010-05-21T08:00:00.005-04:00

"Questioning is everything here really worth salvaging? Is it over, how we do we go about deciding? Do we add up all the good times then divide them, by how many times we hurt each other? Or do we just ignore the numbers and vow right now that nothings going to take us under." - Lyfe Jennings

lately i have been at a standstill. neither here nor there. i dont know how to feel anymore about us. its weird because things havent been bad, i mean we have seen worst times. but they really havent been great either. its just been... thats it. things are getting better but worst at the same time if that makes any sense. i know it makes no sense to me. i came to the conclusion that everyone loves differently. people dont understand that and thats okay. but everyone forcing their views on us is wearing us both out. you can fight but so hard.. after a while you get weak. i am weakening. i am waving the white flag. I AM GIVING UP!!! its one thing for us to have our disagreements but when outside forces start throwing rocks at us, it just makes the eternal battle that much harder. i love him i do. but i dont think i can do this that much longer. i am constantly defending him, defending myself, and defending our decisions. last week my sister referred to him as scar face and continued to belittle him to me, i usually defend him i usually stand up for him, but this time i didnt. i felt like shit to hear her say those things and not open my mouth. but this isnt the first time she has said something like that, and every other time i have corrected her. but i just didnt have the fight in me. because i know it would lead into an argument. and as important as he is to me, my twin is just as important. it hurts me that she doesnt like him. she doesnt even respect him. no one likes T.. no one likes him for me, but I LOVE HIM.. i wont lie a part of me didnt argue with her that time because a little part of me wonders if he defends my name and honor when i am not around. I GET TIRED OF DOING IT ALL ALONE. i am so tired. i keep telling myself anything worth something is worth fighting for, but my question is how long is the fight supposed to last? the good thing is we havent argued in a while but its the little things that are bothering me now, and i dont if it is just me picking at things but it annoys the hell out of me. i question if this is really going to work? better yet i question how much longer we have.. this is not a good way to think. i know its not. but i am tired. i know i need a break but i am afraid of what might happen if i step away.

i know he loves me, but he doesnt know how to express his love. he has never been loved and he has never been required to do much in his previous relationships. i come from a loving family, we wake up with "i love you"s and kisses and go to bed the same way.. he has never had that. i dont know what its like not to be expressive and show feelings. he has been taught to suppress them.. HOW THE HELL IS THIS GOING TO WORK? last week he gave me 100 dollars because i am dead broke. i almost cried. it was unexpected. and this week he gave me his last dollars, saying he rather me have something and he can wait till he get paid.. i cried.. i cried because i didnt expect it from him. like i said things have been better.. only thing bothering me is that we hardly ever spend time together anymore, he finally found a job (fulltime) plus summer classes, and practice for football. I NEVER SEE HIM.. I MISS HIM... he thinks that its not that big of deal but he doesnt understand that my happiness is with him, and if i could see him everyday for even a moment i would be okay. i just wonder do he feel the same!

do a man really invest four years into someone he doesnt care about? and i know with all the things that has happened in the past i dont even think i would stay with me. but then again i have put up with alot as well... i just dont know anymore. i feel lonely. i wanted him to spend the night last night, it didnt happen. how do you feel lonely but loved at the same time? ive heard that love isnt enough, that we should just call it quits and leave one another alone. some say we arent good for one another. but i refuse to have put all this work into this relationship and just leave. yes sometimes i have my days where i feel sad, i might cry. but life isnt painless, right? he has never hit me, never disrespected me, works, go to school, a provider, family oriented, hard working... this is the kind of man that most women look for.. its the kind of man that i always wanted... but he doesnt know how to love.. IS IT POSSIBLE TO TEACH A PERSON HOW LOVE AND SHOW AFFECTION?

i feel stuck

Thoughts

2010-05-11T07:54:00.001-04:00

I've just realized that he doesn't know how to love. Regardless of how good I treat him, he does not know to love. I try to be patient because I know that everyone is not like me. There are people who has never been shown affection by family, who has always been wronged, and who past partners crossed them, and although I have been crossed once or twice I have never experienced anything close to what he has been through. He has been burned and abused. It sounds weird saying that a man has been abused but that's exactly what has happened to him. I don't know if i would be able to trust or love either if I had experienced what he has. Although I feel for him and acknowledge what he has been through it is very trying and hard for me to accept the fact that he doesn't know how to love. I try to show him through my actions and my words, but it seems as though it's not clicking to him. A girl doesn't invest time in a man that she cares nothing about, especially four years. We just don't, so why can't he see that I am for him? Last month I invited his best friend over (with a bunch of people at my apartment of course, I'm no dummy) because I wanted him to help me plan a suprise birthday party for my him. He came over with his bestfriend and flipped out on me, we didn't talk for three weeks. He was so hurt because in his mind I crossed him and he thinks that I was trying to talk to/sleep with his bestfriend. At first I couldn't understand why he would even think that, I kept telling myself he should know me better than that but then I remembered the mother of his daughter slept with his bestfriend and his bestfriend cousin. I also remembered that one of his ex girlfriends just slept with randoms. It's been a month since that has happened and he still hasn't let it go. He would randomly come out of nowhere and say I hurt him, he can't believe I did that to him, and he can't forget it. I haven't told him the reason why I had invited his friend over because he hasn't given me the chance and besides that he should know that I would never do that to him. Sometimes I feel like he is casting his own actions on me. Like in the beginning, he slept around, alot. I forgave him but now he keeps claiming that I'm cheating, he thinks one of my friends is more than a friend, and he insinuated that I invited his best friend over to kick it, and have sex with him. More than anything that hurt me. That hurt me more than him sleeping with other people in the past or anything else that can possibly happen because that means he doesn't trust me and he has automatically put the actions of his ex girlfriends off on me so I can be just like them. I am nothing like them and I never will be. When everyone left his side I stuck around. I look at his daughter as if she is my own. When he was in legal trouble I was there. He got off the streets and enrolled in school because he knew it would make me happy. Anything I need he is always there and vis versa. When he was down I was there, I have always been there. Even when we fight I'm still there so why can't he trust me and love me the way that I need to be loved. Why can't he let go of the past and just trust and know that I would never hurt him. Why won't he give us a chance, the chance to be happy that we both deserve. When we are together I am so happy. I have this smile on my face that never fades, and I have never felt this way about anyone not even the man I was going to marry. He keeps me going, he has never just left me, even during the days we aren't talking. Like anything we have our good times and we have our bad times, but our bad times are really really bad. I sometimes question why am I even trying. I want all the games to stop. The on again off again bullshit needs to end. I need stability, commitment and I need him to act right. I need him to stop dwelling on other people and his past and just focus on us and the right now. I want us to be US. I see a future with him, I really do but we both have alot of work to do.

que probate

2010-05-02T17:21:00.002-04:00

GROWN MEN IN DIAPERS...SMH... BUT ON ANOTHER NOTE.. BODIES LOOK RIGHT

this shit has got to stop

2010-04-29T19:27:00.001-04:00

this is sooooooo not the move..

you are part of the male species..

not a rass barbie dolly.. cut di crap

what would you do

2010-04-28T23:19:00.002-04:00

if your boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner gave you an STD, let alone two viruses such as HPV and herpes?? would you stay or leave?

@12kyle- if she gave me ONE virus she has betta stay away from me. She might get kilt! And yes... I said kilt! LOL

@andrayarenay- hell no i wouldnt stay, if he gave a damn about my life he wouldnt be raw doggin another. He aint worth my life!!! if he gave me 2 STD's and they are not fatal, clearly I been blessed! How many warnings u need? If thats accepted someone needs therapy

@r_latice- No. NO. and HELL no! Clearly they arent concerned with their well being because they arent using protection with other hoes. SMH!

@mzpreciousF- Now I got friends and family dealing with both. I struggle with this because if you already got it, you might as well stay together. Then again, I would be angry at the mere thought of it and I probably spaz out.

@missannabanna- hell no because they have no respect for you or your well being

some advice

2010-04-21T16:06:00.003-04:00

...that i gave to a friend
"HELL NO!!! DONT LET THAT FUCKER HAVE YOUR HEART. HE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU LET ALONE YOUR HEART.. DONT GIVE HIM THE POWER. YOUR HEART IS NOT A TOY, IT IS NOT GOLD, IT IS NOT PLATINUM...IT IS PRICELESS...NEVER GIVE IT TO SOMEONE UNDESERVING. DONT EVER"
i told my friend this after she told me that her ex boyfriend who did some grimey shit, and she is brave enough to still love him "he'll always be my heart REGARDLESS too." when she said that i almost wanted to cry.i think that those who can let go after heart break are strong people, but i honestly feel like those who can still love a person after they have been betrayed (in whatever form) are the strongest. it takes alot for someone to still love someone and admit that to themselves and others after being lied to and cheated on.
now dont get me wrong no relationship is perfect, we will all have our problems, now and in the future because when you have two different people, you will have two different views on everything, but there are certain things that no one should have to deal with, which includes being cheated on, lied to, and abused in any form.
for some reason we have alot of bullshit going on in relationships nowadays. the male species is not willing to step up and become real men and females are just settling and just accepting anything. something is wrong with that. i cant speak for the men but as females we cant allow them (the male species) to treat us any old way and still have the gift of our heart. its like rewarding a child for bad behavior. you cant do it. when our guys act up and we still choose to deal with them, have sex with them, cater to them, and allow them access to our heart, we arent sending the message that we love them and down for whatever... we are sending a message that we stand for nothing and will allow anything... behavior like this shows them that we arent strong enough to stand on our own and wait for the right man. and since we arent willing to wait for the right man deserving of all that we are, we will settle for anything and all the bullshit that comes with it. you cant sarifice yourself, your heart and your happiness and expect to be okay. love is a choice. yes we choose to love someone just like we choose to deal with them. i say this because when we first meet someone we dont automatically love them, we hang out with them learn things about them, we choose what good qualities we love about them and that allows us to further love them as a whole. so if loving and dealing is a choice, then we need to choose to raise our requirements and ultimately keep our heart until the RIGHT MAN comes around who is worth it all.
SO DONT EVER JUST GIVE SOMEONE YOUR HEART.. ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO ARE UNDESERVING OF YOUR HEART AND ALL THAT YOU OFFER... YOU ARE PRICELESS
and this goes for both men and women..

quick thought

2010-04-19T07:16:00.002-04:00

it may hurt sometimes but when you find that one person who is worth it all the reward will be far more greater than any bad experiences you may have. love isnt easy, just like anything worth fighting for in life isnt easy. times will be hard. sometimes you will want to give up but just imagine a life of happiness and possibilities with that one person (when you find him/her) that you were destined to be with. the person who is meant to be your best friend, partner, support system, your everything. remember, dont ever lose yourself while on the long road to your soulmate.

my two sense

2010-04-19T06:31:00.003-04:00

ive noticed lately that my friends, acquaintances and people that i talk to on a daily basis with are breaking up with their partners, main reason being cheating. everyone is all heart broken because their spouse has been cheating and they just found out and all that good stuff.. i sympathize i really do but my thing is this: THERE ARE SIGNS... there are signs that your partner is cheating or at the very least slipping. dont sit there and lie to yourself and say you didnt see it coming. even if there wasnt any physical signs like coming home late at night.. that gut feeling we get, known to us females as "womans intuition" and you men as just a gut feeling.. IT NEVER LIES... if your man tells you something and alarms goes off in your head, something is up. if he talking to you and you cant catch anything thats coming out his mouth cause all you thinking about in the back of your mind is he is cheating, lying, etc.. then must likely you are right... but even if you werent right, say you thinking all this about your man and it turns out he isnt cheating (which is very unlikely) then you dont need to be with him anyway. why you dont need to be with him?!?! BECAUSE YOU DONT TRUST HIM! if you think your man has so little respect for you as to where he will lie and cheat then you two dont need to be together. this is my thinking we all date and enter relationships in search of our future.. our future husbands and wives, that one person that we plan on spending the rest of our lives with. so if im in a relationship with someone that i can not trust, that im always shooting 21 questions at because i want to catch him in a lie (that just might not be there), if i got to play snoopy with your ass, smell your draws, unlock all your phone, all that.. then i dont.. no I CANT be with you. all i will be doing is subjecting you and myself to that for the rest of our lives, and really how can you achieve longevity in a relationship with that shit going down every week, every other week, or once a month at best. IT WONT WORK.. IT CANT WORK... when me and my ex fiance first started dating we spoke about past relationships && for the time we was together i learned alot from him.. some things i dismissed and others i didnt, but if anything the one thing i took away from our relationships is this statement he made: AS SOON AS YOUR PARTNER START BREAKING ROUTINE YOU KNOW SOMETHING AINT RIGHT, THEY CHEATING!... && he is so right.. i mean think about it, if you two go from talking once or a couple of time everyday to once a week. something is up.. if yall go from date night every friday to every two months..something is up.. if he is usually home by nine and all of a sudden he want to walk through the door at one, two, three oclock in the morning every morning, something is definitely the fuck up.. and i dont care what anyone says if that nigga aint never had a fucking passcode on his phone the two years yall been together but all of a sudden he got one on that bitch, and it aint something that you will know incase you have to use his phone such as his birthday, your birthday, anniversary, etc.. THAT NIGGA IS FUCKING CHEATING... everything be in the phone pictures, message, emails, everything.. so if he coding it up.. you need to check that out right now.. oh and if he gets a new phone that you dont know about or you dont have the number to for some reason or the other he cheating.. there is no reason why you need two phones unless you on the streets or corporate america.. one of the two, so if you aint selling some crack or anything of the sort or you not a CEO on wall street you dont need two fucking phones.. get the fuck outta here with that. but lesson of the day number 1 way to know your partner is cheating without playing scoopy or the guessing game is

IF THEY BREAK ROUTINE...

i feel

2010-04-18T11:38:00.003-04:00

lonely, abandoned, alone (same as lonely i know), confused, frustrated, anxious, down but not depressed, sexually frustrated, over my head, copacetic, mad, sad, not angry but fuming.. i feel like i dont know what i feel anymore. life has definitely taken over lately. havent had time to myself, time evaluate and reevaluate myself and those around me. ive cried, ive smiled, ive been happy alot, but in between im also mad and sad sometimes. shit just got real. i guess all this time i've been living in a semi coated fairy tale and what i though i knew i didnt, && what i thought was life wasnt all it had to offer me

its so much going on. too much for me to comprehend at the moment, but im going to pull through. i know i will because God promised me!!!

i need some of this...

2010-04-18T11:10:00.004-04:00

this && this right here....

i need some of all that above and more. i want intimacy with no regards to the outside world.... yeah, that sounds good to me!

topfree.. im moving back to nyc

2010-04-17T08:09:00.005-04:00

last night stefanie was on twitter saying how she wished she lived in new york city because the people there are allowed to walk around topless. me being a born and raised new yorker told her this was untrue (because i just knew it couldnt be) plus she heard it on the tyra show.. who takes tyra seriously?!?! i know i dont. but i figured i would do my homework and research it anyway, although i have never heard of such law allowing topless nudity in new york. imagine my surprise to find out that it is true and indeed women are allowed to go topless in new york.

here are some interesting facts that i found out about topless laws:

topless laws are not very popular in the united states, in fact there are only six states that has such laws, which are: texas, new york, california (but only the coast such as santa cruz), hawaii, maine, and ohio.

cities that participate in the topfree law are: boulder, colorado; eugene, oregon; portlans, oregon; ashland oregon; oregon country fair; lucy vincent beach in chilmark on martha's vineyard; south beach, miami beach, florida; key west, florida; fantasy fest; new orleans; mardi gras; washington, d.c; and columbus, oh

although these six states allow topless freedom, there are restrictions and regulatory guidelines to be aware of. for example although topfree is legal in six states, the decision is really up to the cities and further more the counties, if they will allow such acts or not, which is very conflicting because technically its not against the law, but you run the risk of still being arrested, charged, and fined with a class b misdemeanor. in the history of topfree law there has been eleven lawsuits/ cases against states for not acknowledging these laws and arresting female participants. for instance in 2007 phoenix feeley sued nyc and won $29,000. in 1986 a woman represented herself against the district of columbia and won stating that the d.c nudity law did not apply to any body part but genitals.

in nyc 1992 ruling the courts stated this: "the people in this case have not refuted this evidence or attempt to show the existence of evidence of their own to indicate that the non-lewd exposure of the female breast is in any way harmful to the public's health or well being.... in summary, the people have offered nothing to justify a law that discriminates against women by prohibiting them from removing their tops and exposing their bare chests in public as men are routinely permitted to do. the mere fact that the stautue's aim is the protection of 'public sensibilities' is not sufficient to satisfy the state's burden of showing an 'exceedingly persuasive justification' for a classification that expressly discriminates on the bases of sex. accordingly, the gender based classification established by penal law $345.01 violates appellants' equal protection rights and, for that reason, i concur in the majority's result and vote to reverse the order below."

you can see the ny v. santorelli court of appeals here

SO WITH THAT BEING SAID... IF YOU LIVE IN NYC OR ANY OF THE ABOVE STATES && CITIES.. GO TOPLESS...

you can sign a petition here that will be presented to President Obama in August asking to push and pass the law in other states

i am all for personal freedom, and i love nudity so i signed it.. i mean why can men be allowed to walk around topless but we cant.. equality is a God given right that we arent always given..

Question:

do you think this law is ridiculous? if so why or why not

men- would you allow the women in your life (wife, girlfriend, mother, daughter) to go in public topless?

women- would you ever consider walking around public nude?

facebook what?!?!

2010-04-15T00:52:00.004-04:00

today i logged on to facebook and a friend of mine had a status up, we all knew it was about her on again off again boyfriend and the father of her son. what i dont understand (and this is not just for them but for everyone) is why do people insist on putting up their relationship business online especially facebook and then get upset when everyone knows all their business, issues and problems, and are mad when things dont work out between both parties.. i mean facebook doesnt ruin relationships. people do. please get it together and stop the fuckery.. its a shame that people havent learned yet! i wont lie i liked her status but still all your business DO NOT NEED TO BE AVAILABLE TO THE WORLD!! as "adults" people need to realize that certain things are left better unsaid, not everything need to be addressed, and everyone should not know your business. we are all guilty of it once in a while, sitting around having girl talk or chilling with the boys and telling them a little more than they need to know.. but when you take it facebook and other social sites.. smh thats bad business.. what goes on in the house stays in the house. i hope eventually people will learn to stop this madness cause its really not cool.

HER: y is tht men never realize they have a good thing? wen r they going to realize the grass isnt always greener on the other side? wen r they gon realize tht bein a real man consists more than havin a job? wen r they gon realize wen we gone we gone 4 good...

oTynia Trinity Waker and 2 others like this.

HIM:

lol... smh- i suppose i shud make one of these for u... hold on, how about: when r women gon realise that sumtime ur grass aint as green as u think it is- and being a real man is about more than having a job but its not about what all he can do for u, especially when u do very little for him or even urself- and when are women gon realise that if u want ur man to be happy with u, u may wanna treat him like more than just ur convenience- and when r women gon realise that it aint always all about u and sumtimes u may just have to do sumn for sumbody else... i mean, if u want to feel justified in ur complaints, anyway... im just sayin... but i do agree with this- when we gone it usually is for good, but men arent the only ones who shud keep that in mind- later =]

2 minutes ago

what are your values

2010-04-14T02:26:00.002-04:00

today i asked the question: "what do you value and why?" on both facebook and twitter.. below are some of the answers i recieved.. i was happy to know that many still value life (although some dont act like it) but still its good to know that people do value life and God.

melissa e.- i value love, family and friends because those are the things that keep you going in life

nef- i value my family, my son, and my few friends. i also value life in general cause its given me alot along with God.

jasmine p- i value my life because if God dont bless me ill be dead and my friends and family

ethne- i value my life cause without it i'll be dead

12 kyle- life! i value the life that i have. i only have one so i'ma live it to the fullest

&& my response is:

i value life, health, spirituality (God) family, friends and dreams. i value all these things because they are important to me. to me i cant have a fufilling life without God and health. my dreams push me to be a better person and i aspire to do more with myself. my family and my friends are my backbones, me stepping stones, my everything. they drive me and push me to be a better person. i love them to death and they never steer me wrong, and just like God they never leave me side... no matter what.

messenger blast

2010-04-13T11:01:00.004-04:00

him: how u been

me: ive been okay. how you been

him: feeling stuck, always bored

me: why you feeling stucked

him: cause i have a million things to do

him: and it's feel impossible to get everything done

me: you can get them done, you said you always bored so work on them things while you are bored

him: can't always work what i want to when i want too cause it's like always missing something to get it complete

him: why is it so hard to become the best

him: I want to become the best looking college graduate with a good a job, his own business, well invested in stocks, that help his commuinty out as often as he game

him: i want to be the most wanted bachleor there is

him: the best there is on the market

me: so become that

me: no one is stopping you but you.

him: I WILL!!!!!

me: all that negativity, all that negative energy you have going on right now is stomping your growth.. no one can stop you but YOU so if you want all that go for it..push yourself..do what you have to inorder to achieve your goal

him: get rich, finish school, start my own business, get in shape, i want you to look at me at me and be like dam i should have fucked him when i could

me: what?!?! that was random

him: lmao

me: where did that come from?

him: yeah when i become the prefect guy, that's what u going to be saying

him: lol

me: ummm.. no

me: thats what the perfect guy is to you.. thats your ideal of the perfecct guy.. that may not be the perfect guy to everyone else

him: well what is the perfect guy to you

me: it doesnt matter what the perfect guy is to me. thats what you want to be so focus on that

him: i'm going to be the perfect guy to every gurl, especially you..

him: watch and see

me: good for you, dont forget about your happiness in the process. right now you seem like you arent happy with yourself if you want to be perfect for everyone else

him: yeah i'm not

me: good

what have you learned...

2010-04-13T10:48:00.004-04:00

... from past relationships....

so last night ms. charis over at mizz scoop status on facebook was this:

"...tried to give you REAL love, that's when you up & run away" MY BAD, I was jammin' that Monica, she speaks the truth on that "Stay or Go"! So, I'm just curious, & I want y'all to be REAL with me, we're grown: What's the BEST advice/lesson learned from your relationships? Past, Present, whenever?

i just had to respond because.. well im keenya and thats what i do..lol.. but no really i had to respond because im feeling what she is saying. although i am a young female, i have been in relationships since i was fourteen and i dont know it all but i have experienced it all and i can definitely speak on it...

so here was my response...

"man from all of my relationships ive learned that i cant vouch for anyone but myself. i have learned that love hurts no matter what. no relationship is perfect we all have our obstacles and our ups and downs. i do believe if you truly love someone that you two will find a way to make it work. real love never dies it always come back. but ive also learned that sometimes you just have to let go. no matter how much it may hurt you have to say goodbye and let go. no one is perfect. so two imperfect people trying to be perfect is impossible. we all have flaws, how we choose to deal with those flaws is what counts.now the subject of cheating... i can personally say that love has nothing to do with whether people cheat or not. you can love someone to death and still cheat on them. iits weakness and it selfishness but we are made of flesh. some have the will power not to and others just dont. but love has nothing to do with cheating. it just doesnt. i think once everyone is grown enough to admit their mistake, flaws, wrongs and not badger their partner but instead come to an understanding of what they are and what they want relationships run alot smoother. and age is def nothing but a number, it does not determine maturity or anything else, and thats from personal experience. my ex fiance was 23 and was the most mature man i have ever dated, while i have dated men as old as 45 and they were all over the place.. THATS WHAT I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS (KIND OF ALL OVER THE PLACE..SORRY)"

lets talk about it pt.2

2010-04-13T10:07:00.003-04:00

here is part two, this part was less serious and more interesting.. lol

Q: fantasy

P1- my fantasy was a threesome with two chicks. idk. i want to but im kinda scary

P2- my fantasy is to come home to a candlelit home, lits dim, a beautiful dinner made on the table (all my favorite course), then retire to the bed, get asked to change into a little something from victoria secret, and be treated like a queen, taken into his arms, and just melt... mentally and physically just overwhelmed, and yes i know im going to live it out!

P3- sex on the beach. i dont know how i feel about getting sand in my vagina but if i can i will.

P4- i want to have sex with a man while his girlfriend watches or another woman. she cant get involved but she can watch. i hope i do.

P5- my fantasy is to have off the chain drunk sex with my boo, just off the wall. i want to handcuff him to the bed. fuck on the table. all over the living room. i want him to pin me up against the wall. eat me the fuck out in the air.. i just want limitless sex (minus anal i aint into that).. and yes i do think we will do it.. and real soon to.. well hopefully

Q: worst sex? best sex?

P1- o wow. the worst person i had sex with was me first, hannibal. he had the littlest dick ever, i mean it was fat but a vienna... literally. uuughhh.. he would be pumping for minutes with no reaction from me. the best was not even my husband. my ex was the best. we had mind blowing explosive sex. i was so into it. i mean dude could smack ur ass and then turn u over n smack you and you wouldnt mind. shyt was unbelievable.

P2- worst sex... he was too damn little, and he couldnt get hard! had me all wet and ready, and it was a total let down, and her really thought he was doin something. i had to fake it and breathe hard just to make him feel good., lmao! best sex: giiiirl, he ate me out first, i mean soft and sensual, got me SO RIGHT, and i was SO weak in the knees, then he started doin' his thing, i had bite marks all over him, he LOVED IT of course, screamin' his name and shit, girl it was AWESOME... he made me cry. thats my BOO!

P3- worst sex was one minute man and best sex his head game was vicious, broken back, big dick

P4- worst sex was my first partner. best sex was my second partner

P5- worst sex was my first, ran into him like two years ago and had sex with him for old times sake and it was horrible..talking about your girl was on the phone texting while he thought he was beating it up from the back *rolls eyes* boy please... the best sex besides my boyfriend was the one with my one night stand... omg when i say he put in work.. my god.. he put in work.. i mean DAMN!!!

Q:do you watch porn? with mate?

P1- i watch lesbian porn. no i dont watch it with him

P2- yes i watch porn, I LOVE porn, ive never watched it with my boo, but i would.. you learn A LOT, gets me HOTT ; )

P3- yes, sometimes

P4- yes i do. and when i have a bf, they watch it with me too!

P5- i do watch porn and yes i do watch it with my mate.. we both enjoy porn.. human nature baby!!

Q: do you use sex toys? on your partner?

P1-i own the bunny but my husband wont allow them in the bed

P2- i just bought my first sex toy, a humdinger, LOL! and its MAGICAL! never had one with my partner

P3-no and no

P4- i used to use a vibrator but now my hand does the trick. never used em on a partner but my ex had used one on me.

P5-i do i finally bought my first toy a couple of months ago..and dammit its fye.. fall right to sleep everytime.. and i have never used one on my partner although i was trying to convince him to use a vibrating cock ring but he wasnt having it.

Q:ever had a one night stand? if so do you regret it?

P1- i had one and i dont regret it because i cant seem to remember who he was. lol. i dont remember his name at all

P2- never had a one night stand, and i would die if i ever had one. im the type to catch feelings real quick... so nope! not for me boo!

P3-no

P4- i am freaky... or so i have been told

P5- i have and i dont regret it at all.. it was one of the best sex i ever had.. shit was off the chain.. omg *having flashbacks*

Q:would you consider yourself sexually liberated or freaky?

P1- i dont consider myself either at all. im still wanting to unleash my inner freak. i dont know how though

P2- i am a total freak. i love to be controlled. love it rough, but sensual at the same time but im a cuddler as well... but like they say, a lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed!

P3- sure do

P4- yes i am

P5-most definitely.. i know i am a freak and i have been told that i am one..so i embrace it. im no freak with everyone so im comfortable with that

random question:

i just want to know because i have been debating this with friends: two guys and one girl is having sex, is this a threesome or a train/gangbang?

P1- shyt, a train and ganbang!!! lol

P2- i would call it a train, lol! for some reason, when its more guys than girls, it seems very whorish, and when its more girls, like two, than guys, then its a threesome...lol

P3- threesome. i think if it was one more guy involved its a gangband. i think of it like gang is three or more people banging one person

P4- threesome.. train/gangbang consist of a group of people just doing you and not each other

P5- i would consider that a threesome.. a gangbang would be like three or more guys one girl

lets talk about it

2010-04-13T09:25:00.003-04:00

a couple of months ago i asked some of my female friends some simple but random questions about sex and sexual health. fortunately i was lucky enough to get some open and honest answers. thanks so much to precious, charis, _supastarrr, and stefanie for particapting. i love you much ladies and once again thanks so much for your honest answers.

Q: how often do you have sex? and how often would you like to have sex?

P1- not often. i dont have sex unless i am in a relationship or a relationship that we are the only one having sex with one another.

P2- whenever i can and i am doing decent right now

P3- lately, because my boyfriend is one state over, sex does not come often, AT ALL! we've been together 9 months and we've had sex once. before we got together i was celibate for a year, and i was perfectly fine with it. if it were up to me, i would have sex about 2-3 times a week.

P4- two times weekly. i would love to have it at least three times

P5- i have sex maybe once a week. it all depends on the mood of my boyfriend and myself. i would love to have sex at least five times a week. we used to have sex everyday. i miss that

Q: are you okay/ satisfied with the amount of sexual partners that you have/had? why or why not?

P1- very. 3 partners is a low amount considering most my age have triple that number. i take great pride in that number

P2- yes, its not alot

P3- i am perfectly fine with the amount of sexual partners i have had, i mean i can count them all on one hand, and for 25 years old female in todays worls, i think thats DAMN good... lol.. im proud of myself!

P4-yes i am content. i had three male and one female. i dont feel attracted to penis anymore other than my husband. so im staying at three

P5- yes i am content. i can count on one hand. i pray that my boyfriend is my last partner, but if not i will only have sex with one other person: my future husband

Q:do you get tested for hiv/aids and other stds annually? if not annually when was the last time?

P1- yes i do

P2-6 months ago

P3-yes i do, i make sure of it every annual i have

P4-i get tested every six months. i need to know for my kids, husband and myself

P5- i do every six months. last time was in august though

Q:why or why not have you chosen to get tested?

P1- because its the responsible thing to do. i never have a sexual relationship with someone unless they get tested with me.

P2- because i dont want to die over dick

P3- i have chosen to get tested because i mean its only fair to my future partner(s), the safety of them and for myself. its only fair, its out of respect for life and love

P4-knowing your status is very important. who wants to be left out in the dark? scared? worried?

P5-ive chosen to get tested because it is important to know your status and your health. if you are blind to what is going on with you, you cant help yourself. its a scary thought to know that you may have something especially hiv, herpes, etc. but its better to know than to not know at all.

Q:Do you know anyone with an std such as herpes, hpv, or hiv?

P1- yes

P2- no

P3- i know someone with herpes

P4- yes i know someone with herpes and hiv. its a scary thing but they are living healthy lives

P5- yes i do. i know two with herpes and a couple with hpv. hpv has become promenent especially in the college community because people fail to realize its from skin contact, it has nothing to do with the use of condoms. luckily it clears on its own.

Q: have you yourself ever contracted an std?

P1- no

P2- no

P3- no i have not

P4- no i havent. i got a yeast infection and thought i had one. i was young. i started freaking out.. lol

P5- i did before. i contracted chlamydia when i was nineteen. i was devastated.

see you soon

2010-03-29T15:31:00.001-04:00

sorry i been mia from blogging lately..been crazy busy and have alot going on in my life.. i will be back soon but for now i have to focus on me and settle my soul like it once was... love you all.. be back later

negro what?!?!

2010-03-20T21:37:00.004-04:00

so i was sitting down with my cousin today and she was filling out the 2010 census when we got down to question number 9 and the it read:

what is person 1's race:

☾☽ white

☾☽ black, african am., or negro

☾☽ american indian or alaska native

NEGRO ?!?!?! what the heck! really?!

when i seen this i was appalled, to say i was shock and disgusted is an understatement. and in a way i was hurt, i was hurt because the united states of america is supposed to be the land of the brave and the free, the land of opportunity and "equality" its 2010 a black man is president and they have the nerve, no scratch that, the audacity to refer to black people as negroes. in a place where millions of people migrate every year, we are supposed to be considered a "melting pot" and you are going to call me a fricking negro. do you not see anything wrong with that? excuse me for my language and questions my patriotism all you want but FUCK AMERICA..FUCK THE GOVERNMENT. FUCK EM ALL.. and i say it with so much emphases. how dare you calling me a fucking negro. black i am. but i am no bodies negro. not now not ever. my ancestors did not endure all that they did for me to be considered a negro in 2010. so you couldnt win the white house so im guessing yall taking cheap shots now. is that what it is?!?! im still going to fill out the census because im not too mad to the point where i will play dumb, but better believe i am writing a letter to the president, congress and im writing to al sharpton and michael basden to draw attention to this because this is ridiculous. if they are going to refer to the black race as negros why the fuck they aint put red necks or cracker next to white?

OBAMA SHOULD OF REALLY CHECKED THIS CENSUS BEFORE IT WAS SENT OUT!!!!

self love

2010-03-17T18:11:00.003-04:00

I AM ME!!!!!! SIMPLY

this needs to stop

2010-03-10T15:25:00.004-05:00

this iota had on skinny jeans with a hoop earring in his ear and a baby on his waist with his butt pocked out like the baby was an accessory.. i just dont understand this. what happened to boys growing up and wanting to be a man. why are guys acting like this. your jeans tighter than mine. hoop earrings?!?! i was speechless.. no really speechless and what made it worst.. to top it all of. i transferred schools to another state and this guy in the picture is actually someone i went to high school with.. to say i was shocked is an understatement. i was floored... im going to need boys to stick to being boys and leave all the womanish ways to us girls.

zeta probate

2010-03-10T14:57:00.004-05:00

so last night i went to the zeta probate on my campus and all i can say is that it was a whole bunch of fuckery... like i dont know whats going on with the people of our generation but there are no boundaries, no respect, and complete disregard to everything that matters. i have never been to a probate where the "women" on the line curse so much, and what makes it worst is that people family member, their aunts, mothers, uncles, grandmothers, etc. has come to watch them cross and all they are doing is bitch this, bitch that, fuck this, ratchet that... what is all of that for??i dont understand it. what were these "classy women" really thinking when they agreed to bash other females.. i understand that you all are in different organizations so there is some competition but to really call the ladies of the aka, delta, and sgrho organizations whores, bitches, talking about all the five fraternities done been through them... now that is rude. and i cant rock with that.. so sorry but the zetas on my campus gets no respect from me. at the end of the day we are all woman so we all belong to one sisterhood. just because some rock pink and green, others crimson and cream, blue and gold, or white and royal blue, and many choose to not rock any colors at all does not mean that we are enemies. as women we need to learn to respect one another more and stop putting down ourselves, especially as black women in america. come on now, we need to get it together. last night was a disgrace in my eyes. i hope i never see anything like that again

what is beauty

2010-03-10T06:27:00.004-05:00

what is your definition of beauty?

webster's define beauty as: quality that is pleasing to the eye

growing up i was always called beautiful and pretty from family members and some peers. but its when i entered around junior high the perception of beauty that was then introduced to me changed. i went from little girl beautiful (maybe because of innocence) to the dark skin, not so skinny girl. i was referred to as a big girl in school. i will tell you right now im not a size 4, 8, hell im not even a 12. but i am me. it was hard from junior high through almost all of high school. i hated myself. but i never showed that to the world. everyone though that i was so confident and had no care in the world. even today sometimes i have my bad days like we all do where i just wake up in the morning and im not feeling myself, but i will be damned if i portray that to the world. i do my hair, put on my makeup, get dressed to kill like i would do any other day, and when i open my front door i put a smile on my face. but anyway back to what i was saying growing up i wasnt one of the pretty girls it wasnt because i was ugly in the face (cause Lord knows im gorgeous..lol) but it was because i was dark skin and i was fat (kids can be mean) i used to beat myself up. it got so bad that at one point my last year in junior high till about my second year in high school i will binge. i will eat and then throw my food back up. it was my escape and it was just what i needed. i get the taste of the food and satisfaction of eating it without absorbing all of the calories. but at that age what i failed to realize is that despite what some may think beauty is what i choose to define it to be. beauty is fluent not solid. what may be horrific to one may be the most gorgeous thing to the next. what i also failed to realize is that all that time i was telling myself that i did not want to be like some of my aunts, cousins, and family members. i didnt want to be diabetic like my great grand mother or big as hell like my aunt, and although i tried my hardest to stay away from that spectrum and be the opposite of my family, we do share the same DNA. genetics play a huge role in weight no matter what some ignorant people might try to tell you. i played basketball, volleyball, etc., worked out, didnt eat some days and i still never went under a size ten (in high school) i am who i am and i just had to accept that. what i also didnt know is that the entire time i had a thyroid disorder. it wasnt until my freshman year in college that my doctors decided to run some test and realized that i am hypothyriotic. what this means is my body is slow, hair dont grow, skin dry, metabolism slow, nails brittle because the hormones in my body is not being produced the way that they should.

but anyway back to what i was saying. i had to learn to love myself because at the end of the day no one in this world has to wake up with me everyday but me. only i have to live with the decisions i make and the way that i look. it took me along time to love and accept myself. i didnt love myself for a long time. it wasnt until i moved to georgia my senior year in high school where i completely accepted myself for what i am and what i will be. now today i love myself you cant tell me s*it. beauty is in the eye of the beholder. beauty is what you make it. when i was younger it was like crazy to be big. like it just wasnt the "thing" to be. now i love myself and apparently some (not all) people love my body type and some (not all) females will like a shape like mine.. ass for days, hips like damn, and a smile that stretches for miles. my butt, hips, tummy, love handles, they all used to be my enemy. now they are my companion. when its cold outside it keeps me warm, and when its warm outside they give me a little umpph in my wardrobe. to love yourself takes alot of work, alot of self acceptance, alot of being real with yourself and honest. i had to be honest with myself, i will never be a 2,4,6 hell i may not even be a 8. but i am me and thats all that matters. as long as i am comfortable and HEALTHY then i will never complain. weight is the least of anyones issues i wake up in the morning and thank God everyday i have two legs, hands, feet, arms, ears, eyes, a nose, and a mouth.. most of all i have my sanity. i am in good working condition i have nothing to complain about.

my definition of beauty is:ME

"BEAUTY COMES AS MUCH FROM THE MIND AS FROM THE EYE"- GREY LIVINGSTON

five things i loveeee

2010-03-10T04:54:00.005-05:00

i asked a couple of my friends to list five things about themselves and their bodies that they love.... i participated as well.

five things that i love about myself and my body are:

1. my smile

2. butt

3. spirit and determination

4. breast

5. my entire being

natalia says:

1. smile

2. personality

3. determination

4. hips

5. legs

chaena says:

1. my honesty

2. my wit

3. ambition

4. legs

5. my smile

marcuse says:

1. smile

2. hips

3. lips

4. personality

5. nose

what are five things that you love about yourself??

tim gunn and the kardashians

2010-03-09T18:31:00.002-05:00

so what do you guys think about the comments made by tim gunn??

lmfao... now what do you think about black men being attacked by the kkk.. *dead*

excuses are....

2010-03-02T02:21:00.003-05:00

excuses are.....

tools of the incompetent
cowardly
wack
for losers
for lames and liars
bullshit
stupid, dont give me any point blank simple
for pussies
made for fools
for the weak hearted
bullshyt

i asked this question today: excuses are___ .... these were some of the responses i received

makeup= my guilty pleasure

2010-03-01T13:49:00.002-05:00

my face lives in this case...lol
so i finally ordered my eyeshadow palette that i have been wanting for almost a year.. i decided to pay the extra money (or so i though) and just get a good professional one from here in the U.S instead of buying one on ebay that comes from across seas and might not be everything i wanted or it may be ruined... for the palette and shipping it only came up to 26 dollars and some change.. i dont think that is bad compared too how much money i easily spend on dumb things.. i must say im in love with it. it felt like christmas in feb to open up my gift to myself.all the colors were packed tight and are super duper vibrant, .ive tested some colors onmy hands but once i really use it i will post pics... but here is the world premiere of my baby. what do you think i should name her?

makeup= my guilty pleasure (part 2)

2010-03-01T12:55:00.004-05:00

THIS LITTLE EYESHADOW CAME WITH MY 88 PALETTE..ITS VERY PRETTY (BAD PIC) SMALL BECAUSE ITS A SAMPLE.. ITS PURPLE WITH A LITTLE SHIMMER

ONE OF THE COMPARTMENTS IN MY MAKEUP CASE WHERE I KEEP MY LIPGLOSS AND SOME MASCARAS AND EYELINERS..

OK SO THESE ARE NOT THAT PRICEY TOO ME BUT SOME MAY THINK THEY ARE TO EXPENSIVE, BUT I BOUGHT ALL THESE LIPGLOSS(ES) FROM VICTORIA SECRETS. THEY ARE 5 FOR $20 AND TO ME WORTH EVERY CENT. MY FAVORITE ONES ARE THE PURPLE AND LIGHT PINK. THE YELLOW ONE IS PRETTY GOOD TOOSOMETIMES INSTEAD OF WEARING MY BARE MINERALS FOUNDATION I MIGHT JUST WEAR MY LIQUID MAKEUP AND THE TWO THAT HAS WORKED BEST FOR ME IS MARY KAY (WHITE TUBE) AND MAYBELLINE AGE REWIND.. NOW I KNOW IM NOT AN OLD PERSONS SO YOU ARE LIKE WHY ARE YOU USING AGE REWIND?! WELL BECAUSE IT HAS A BUILT IN MOSTUIRIZER AND ITS FIRMS THE SKIN IN THE PROCESS. I WEAR THE MARK KAY WHEN I WANT COMPLETELY FULL COVERAGE, AND THE MAYBELLINE I USE WHEN I WANT BETTER THAN BARE MINERALS COVERAGE BUT I DONT WANT TO LOOK ALL DOLLED UP.THIS BODY SHIMMER IS PRETTY GOOD.. ALOT COMES IN THE BOTTLE AND IT ADDS A CERTAIN RADIANCE/GLOW TO THE SKIN WHEN USED PROPERLYI BOUGHT THIS NAIL POLISH BECAUSE EVERYBODY BE WALKING AROUND WITH STUDS AND STUFF LIKE THAT ON THEIR FINGERNAILS.. I DONT HAVE TIME FOR ALL THAT SO I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE THE QUICK ALTERNATIVE. I WAS RIGHT. IT ONLY COST $1 AND IT WORKS GREAT. ALL THE MASCARA WAS ON SALE AT KMART FOR 3.99-5.99 BECAUSE MAX FACTOR WILL NO LONGER BE SELLING IN THE US AFTER THIS MONTH.. AND ON TOP OF THAT THEY INCLUDED 3 DOLLAR OFF COUPON FOR ALL COVERGIRL PRODUCTS ALL WAS A DOLLAR MINUS THE EYELINER (SILVER WITH BLACK CAP)THATS NEXT TO THE LIP GLOSS.. THE EYESHADOWS THAT HAVE THE COLOR ENDS WORK WONDERS.. GLIDES ON SMOOTH AND LAST ALL DAY. ITS CALLED KLEANCOLOR RETRACTABLE WATERPROOF EYELINER. THEY HAVE ALOT MORE COLORS TO CHOOSE FROM. THE BLACK EYELINER IS FROM WET 'N' WILD AND I HAVE BEEN USING THIS BRAND FOR ABOUT TWO YEARS NOW.. I AM SOO IN LOVE WITH IT. THE PINK BRUSH ONLIP GLOSS IS FROM NYX AND IT WAS 1.99. IT HAS A BRUSH AND IT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL ON THE LIPS
THESE TWO EYESHADOW PIGMENTS ON THE LEFT ARE FROM NYX. THEY ARE 1.99 AND THE TWO SMALLERS ONES ON THE RIGHT ARE SAMPLES FROM SOME EYESHADO THAT I HAD BOUGHT. I HAVENT TRIED THEM OUT YET BUT WHEN TESTED ON MY HAND THEY WERE SO VIBRANT (PURPLE AND RED)THIS MAKEUP STICK WAS 5O CENT. I BOUGHT IT IN BABY PINK. I HAVE BEEN USING IT AS A BASE FOR MY EYESHADOW AND ITS ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD. I DIDNT NEED IT JUST BOUGHT IT CAUSE IT WAS ON SALE BUT I LIKE IT. IT GLIDES ON SMOOTH AND DOESNT WEAR OFF. ITS FROM WILD BEAUTY

THIS IS ALL THE NEW THINGS I BOUGHT MINUS THE FOUNDATION..

margarita nights and food.. yummy in my tummy

2010-03-01T02:59:00.003-05:00

so the mexican restaurant at my school has 2.99 margaritas from monday- thursday every week.. && me and my girls have been hitting them up every week.. they are sooo good they make them just how i like them.. nice and strong. plus i been cooking at home alot more often now.. and i must say i impressed with myself.. lol i make everything from shrimp alfredo, to lemon pepper chicken, lemon pepper shrimp, garlic potatoes... i been killing it in the kitchen... money tight.. got to start eating in more often while watching my waistline.

makeup contest give away

2010-03-01T02:50:00.002-05:00

celly over by makeup by celly is hosting a makeup giveaway in order to celebrate abtaining 400 + followers... i must say this is one of the best giveaways i have seen i love all the items listed.. anyway go over to her site and enter for your chance to win.. (and if you do, just ship that palette over this way) haha love you all have a great monday

new life

2010-02-22T07:55:00.003-05:00

my friend Heather is having a baby.... we just found out this week that she is having a baby girl... yayyy so excited *throws pink confetti in the air* i mean we all would of been happy either way as long as the baby is healthy but i must admit i was crossing my fingers for a girl.. i love baby girls.... anyway here are some ultra sound images that she has sent me. she updates us all (jess, ray, my sister, and i) every two weeks when she goes to her doctor appointments. i wish we were there or she was here so we could all experience this beautiful change together but unfortunately we arent. im just glad that she is now safe in d.c with her family and that her ex no longer has access to her.

this is baby girls feet.... she looks like she might be tall.. hmmm?!?!
this was one of the earlier images she had sent me. about a month ago.

and here is baby girls face...she is staring right at us.. she is going to love the camera.

BABY J

and my cousin T has finally had her baby boy. he was born january 29th in the morning. weighing in at 7 pounds 13 ounces.. i am so happy for her she has been trying for so long to have a child and it had never happened for her. she had a couple of miscarriages but finally God has blessed her with a beautiful, healthy, vibrant child.. awww he is so cute

HE MAY NOT COME WHEN YOU WANT HIM TO BUT HE IS ALWAYS ON TIME.

congrats

2010-02-22T07:44:00.003-05:00

one of my bestfriends is engaged... her boyfriend proposed to her on valentines day.. i am so excited for her.. unfortunately she dont feel the same way (well not yet at least) hopefully she will start to get excited about it.. check out the ring

i am so happppyyyyy for her... i used to think that 21, 22 was too young to marry but i have watched them both grow together and granted they have their moments but thats what relationships is about... i love watching them together the way he shows her unconditional love even when she is the biggest pain in the ass.... and how she supports him 200 percent in whatever he decides to do. she tells him when he is wrong and he does the same.. the both of them deserve someone good, and i think they are perfect for one another.. I WISH THEM THE BEST AND I HOPE THEY BOTH FIND ETERNAL HAPPINESS WITH ONE ANOTHER...

CONGRATULATIONS R & J

2010-02-22T07:39:00.001-05:00

"PEACE COMES FROM WITHIN. DO NOT SEEK IT WITHOUT"
-BUDDHA

text confessions

2010-02-22T06:09:00.005-05:00

i posted a blog not too long ago about not telling him how i feel because although we been on and off for four years im still scared of the thought of rejection (if you havent read it click here)... well in that same post i said i didnt know how i was going to tell him how i feel but i did know that i wasnt going to text it to him because that is "childish" (spoken from my own tongue)... well silly ol me i must be childish because i sure did text it to him...
see what had happened was.... i was wasted- shit faced- just done for... i ended up texting him saying that i wanted him to come over and spend the night.. he replied back "lol really u know i got a girl i cant, she gone be mad"... so being the person that i am i told him about himself, cant remember exactly what i said but somewhere in the text i did say "the truth always comes out && it doesnt even matter anymore " he was thrown off guard and was just like "babes chill out, if you want me to come i will come" i told him to go to sleep with his girl its nothing cause like everyone else she not gonna last too long being second best (to me of course)... so we was texting each other back and forth for a minute and i finally just told him everything that i felt. i cant remember exactly what i said because my dumb ass phone deleted my sent messages but i basically told him that i was i dont like him talking to other females because it was rude and although we are not officially boyfriend/ girlfriend he know what it is. i told him that ever since we came out here that we havent been spending time together and i feel like he been acting funny and clearly its because he is under some other chick like he has no sense and that i wasnt going to stand for it. i said some other things but i cant remember
but his response to it all was this:(and this is directly from the text so its accurate lol)
"wow ok u never really told me till now how u felt when kj asked u that night at west ga u said u didnt want to get together u said u didnt want to be in a relationship and now i come out here and i start talkin to somebody and u get mad its like ever since we been out here we been arguin and now u tellin me that im wrong for talkin to somebody its like i aint know for real u know guys are slow u got to tell me stuff. i care i just aint think u wanted that right now so i started talkin to somebody cuz i seen u was talkin to joe alot so i though yall started talkin and so i started talkin to somebody. u know i care, i always have. i just been waiting for u"
i dont remember telling his friend that but he insist i did because he was the one that sent him to ask me those questions & that he was standing by the door listening, i just didnt know. i told him he should of asked me himself because im not dealing with kj im dealing with him & what i will be willing to tell him i wont be willing to tell kj.... i mean thats just common sense to me, but clearly not everyone thinks on the same wavelength as i do..
its been two weeks and since then things have been good, we havent argued at all, he drops me off and picks me up from classes everday, we spend everyday together (not all day though i enjoy my space, at least four hours to myself). its like old times again minus the sex and i like it. we didnt spend valentines day together because my cousin was here for her birthday but the next day we had a great time. his daughter spent the week with us and that was fun... for the past four days he been wanting to sleep over here but i wont let him. i know that if i do we will never be apart after that. i know us, we go from 0 to 60 real quick, get real comfortable with each other like nothing has ever happened. plus if i allow him to spend the night here with me i already know we gonna have sex, i know how we are especially me...

its simple right?! stay or leave

2010-02-17T15:06:00.005-05:00

i was over at the makings of me! by the lovely daja (check her out) and she has posted a new poll question && it reads this: catch your partner cheating... (option 1)i would leave (option2) i would stay and work it out...
i was attempting to vote on her question but i couldnt.. now some might be thinking wtf you mean you couldnt its simple either leave or stay.. and then some might be like wtf you better leave that nigga... for those who think it is that easy to answer or who can make a decision without hesitation i dont think you have truely been in love. now i will be the first to tell you that i used to be one of the main people with hands up in the air waving the finger talking about "it aint nothing to think about, leave him he aint shit" but its no longer that simple of a question to answer... to me its not that cut and dry. now some might find me stupid for saying this but oh well we all have our flaws. life has taught me that different situations call for different resolutions. the act of cheating may or may not be the same but the person behind the act has to be taken into consideration as well. cheating is not just physical it can be emotional as well. often times people associate cheating with strictly the act of having sex with someone else and its not. just because you cant see it does not mean its not going on right in front of you. i always wondered why some people get so upset when their partner physically cheat (have sex) with someone else but thinks nothing of it when they emotionally cheat.
hell anybody can study the body of someone else (hell i been doing it for three years with all this biology, chemistry and anatomy) but it really takes a special person (or at least someone close to it) to study the mind. our bodies are exposed everyday but our mind, our minds are closed. not everyone can access it on sight. if you ask me emotional cheating is worst than physical cheating. anyone can have sex if they want. some of the ugliest people be getting play. nowadays people have nsa (no strings attached) sex, friends with benefits, one night stands, etc. so anyone can have sex but not everyone can emotionally, pyschiologically, and/or intellectually explore another being. but thats just my two sense.
ive been cheated on before, first person i was real quick to leave. it was easy for me to leave because it just was (now i know its because i really wasnt into them but back then you couldnt tell me no different)i was young so (i still am but i was real young) and i knew it wasnt going to last forever so there was no fooling me, but the last guy i was with, j he cheated on me and i stayed. i stayed because i really did care about him.. i stayed because i didnt want to leave him. i loved him. i found out about j cheating and it hurt me it really did we took a break from one another but were back together in less than three months. i let him go.. i told him to be with her, he did him and i focused on me. and in less than three months he was back asking for a second chance and i gave it to him. why? well because i knew that what he had with this chick was physical and nothing more, you cant hold onto a man for too long when you have nothing to offer but sex, there is nothing to keep him and i knew this... that is why i let him go because i know the type of person i am and i know that i can offer so much more. and i was right.
&& i wont sit here and lie. anyone i have dated these past four years (minus j) i cheated on with T. i will be the first to admit my wrongs. i have done my dirt but im human we all do somethings we arent supposed to. but in doing so i did let them know that i had just broke with him or i was dealing with this guy that i wasnt completely over, they chose to continue to "try" to take my mind off of him. they all failed.
but anyway im going off to a different subject.. what you do after you find out that you have been cheated on is not always simple. some you can just up and leave others may not be so easy. many things factor in for me at least it is. and its not fear of being alone or not loving myself enough but its working on something that can maybe be fixed, or at least the hope that i can. its knowing that we all have faults and no one person is perfect... its knowing that i to have made my own mistakes and from those mistakes i know that "once a cheater always a cheater" is not true or that people dont cheat simply because they dont love you... often times it has nothing to do with love.. sometimes its people own selfishness. but like i said before, cheating is multidimensional and for me the question: what would you do if you were cheated on? cant always be answered right away or easily...
what do you think???

snow

2010-02-16T22:37:00.002-05:00

the snow is falling and its beautiful... granted it can be messy but when its pure and new its one of the most beautiful sights to see. clean snow reminds me of new life. pure and untouched

black history month 8

2010-02-16T19:10:00.011-05:00

"I'm tired of being treated like a second class citizen." - Rosa Parks

stefanie marie

los angeles, ca

twitter: cutelildreamer

Black History Month to me, means a celebration of heritage and civil rights. If it wasnt for Martin Luther King Jr. and many others, America would still be segregated. I think this year is extra special though since we do have our first black President, Mr. Obama. For so long we have been waiting for the day we get a black president and we finally did. It showed me as an American, as a Latina, that the U.S is coming together, little by little and accepting people no matter what race.

I think my two heroes are MLK Jr and Rosa Parks. I have always admired MLK Jr. He spoke of peace and that's all he ever wanted. He preached about how in order to grow as beings an a nation we must come together in peace and accept each other no matter what race we are. Rosa Park stood her ground. In many ways I feel her and I share the same belief system when it comes not budging for no one and compromising our own beliefs. She didn't move from the seat and honestly there have been times where my race was brought up and I refused to back down. She stood her ground not only as an African American Woman, but a Woman.

"A man who wont die for something is not fit to live." - Martin Luther King Jr.

"I have learned over the years that when ones mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear." - Rosa Parks

black history month 7

2010-02-16T18:47:00.003-05:00

Charis

Texas

twitter: chaychay28

I mean simply put...it's a time to honor and reflect whole-heartedly on the people who paved the way for us and the things that we do today. It's a time to just remember what such great people in the past did to make sure that us, in the present would be able to make a huge mark like they did.

formspring.me

2010-02-15T21:54:00.001-05:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/keenya19

black history month 6

2010-02-12T13:21:00.004-05:00

joshua copeland

university of west georgia alum

atlanta, ga

twitter: extrordinary

Black History Month to me is a time to remember all those before us. As time passes, it seems that our generation is losing touch with our roots and we have one month allocated to us to do that. Fredrick Douglas is a man of character. Benjamin E. Mays was President Morehouse College and was able to serve as Prez 27 yrs making it prominent today. Maya Angelou for phenomenal lady

what are your thoughts about our generation losing touch with our roots and forgetting the history and struggles of our ancestors? What do you think some of our leaders such as Dr. Martin Luther King and Medgar Evers would say about the election of President Obama if they were alive today?

I think that our generation spends too much time worried about wordly things and the newest technology or fashion. Not enough time is spent on our history and how we have gotten to the place we are today. If they were alive, especially Martin, he would simply say the dream has been fulfilled.

black history month 5

2010-02-12T12:44:00.006-05:00

DAJA ROBINSON
22
2005 GRADUATE
FASHION INSTITUTE OF DESIGN AND TECHNOLOGY RE-INROLLING APRIL 2010
SEASIDE, CALIFORNIA
FASHION DESIGN

twitter : sincerlydaja

1. why is black history month important to you? what does it mean to you?
Although I may not always express it Black History Month is important to me because you truly don't know where you are going until you know where you have been. I always say "never forget where you come from" that can surely go as far as slave days. They paved the way and we owe them the respect and recognition.

2. who are your hero(s)? why?
Honestly my hero is my grandmother. She was alive when it was "Black and White" and she is the strongest woman I have witnessed in my 22yrs of living. I've watched her raise 3 generations and til this day she is still raising children. As tired as she is, she has never gave up on us. My grandmother has been discriminated against and also uplifted not only by the opposite race but by the race of our own. I've seen her hurt, disappointment, tears, laughs and smiles through life and I am blessed she's alive to witness our first african american president. Ok, I can go on all day but my Grandmother is my Hero.

3. what do you think some of our past leaders such as dr. martin luther king jr, medgar evers, and malcolm x would say about the current state of race in american and the election of president obama?
I think they would be proud that we have surely come along way. Some of there dreams have become reality. I'm sure they will say we still have work to do. Fighting hard for equality was an issue we seemed to overcome BUT our biggest problem now isn't the opposite race. Our biggest problem now is in our own backyard. Instead of us fighting because we are the minority, we are killing our brothers and sisters. Black and black crime is a disgrace and if our past
leaders were still alive they would be disappointed in us for that.

4. do you think that blacks are properly represented today? why or why not?
Yes and No. Yes because we have great role models in the right position of power. Thanks to the Obamas, both President Barack and first lady Michelle. Thanks to the Jesse Jacksons, the Ben Jealous' (president of NAACP), the Tony Dungys (first black nfl coach to win the super bowl) and even Patricia Hinds of Essence Magazine they can properly represent the hard working, no limit, I have a dream side of the minority. No because in reality, our communities are suffering. The younger generation is losing interest in what's important. They would rather pick up a gun than a book, or purchase a new mix tape instead of enroll for college. I think the ppl with the biggest influence over the kids should reach out to the communities in more ways than one. But the world we live in says sex is better than education.

5. many argue that there should be no black history month and that if there was a white history month it would be considered racism, what do you say to those who believe this?
I say to those ppl go screw yourself. As much as we've been through we deserve respect. They give us the month of February being the shortest month in the year, 28days out of 365 to be exact and you are still trying to throw us in the back of the bus like we don't exist. I say in the world I live in, every month is white history month so for these 28days let us be great.

if you have any other comments or anything else to say you can also include it.. i always love extra input...
I would like to give the biggest shout out to Rosa Parks. I ride the bus 3-4 hrs every day out of my life and I can't even begin to fathom what it was like to be treated with such, hatred, malice and disrespect. So she is very much respected because I always sit in the front of the bus. I wish someone would try and make me move to the back.

black history month 4

2010-02-12T12:38:00.004-05:00

ti dickenson

junior

brooklyn, ny

university of west georgia

nursing

black history is knowing your history and respecting and learning from it. But it also about creating your own history, observing and making your own mark....black history month is something i admire alot, but my "black" history isnt just celebrated for one month i celebrate it every month...then and now, people i admire is jimi hendrix and michelle obama...henrix because he allowed blacks like you and i to create our own identity outside of a box people like to put others in...and michelle obama because she defines the new age woman and not in a bad way. in regards to president obama and the election i think it is the new age revolution.

"when the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." - jimi hendrix

my two sense

2010-02-10T15:56:00.005-05:00

here are pieces of the john mayer interview i did extract some parts but at the end of the post there will be a link to the complete interview if you care to read. my two sense are added as well at the end of the interview.. honestly i am a little speechless in regards to the remarks that were made by john mayer. am i suprised? no, im not. honestly people dont suprise me anymore.. but you all please read and tell me what you think.. leave all comments... thanks

PLAYBOY: What motivates you now?

MAYER: My motivation is to prove people wrong, to confuse them. I enjoy the challenge—I must be addicted to the challenge. I’ve gone from being a musician to being a celebrity. And when people do that, their work usually suffers. There are tunes on Battle Studies that are more applicable to other people’s lives than anything I’ve ever written before. This whole time I’ve stayed vulnerable, stayed frustrated, stayed confused. This record is the trade-off to having sort of brutalized myself for a few years. So if people see that over the past couple of years I actually got a firmer grip on writing songs about the ups and downs of life, they might go, “How did he have the time to make a record? Was he writing ‘War of My Life’ in the middle of me thinking he was a douche bag? Did I ever actually know him? Maybe he’s a pretty solid guy.”

PLAYBOY: What do you mean by “in this day and age”? There aren’t any references in the songs that would have been unclear 20 years ago.

MAYER: I’m a self-soother. The Internet, DVR, Netflix, Twitter—all these things are moments in time throughout your day when you’re able to soothe yourself. We have an autonomy of comfort and pleasure. By the way, pornography? It’s a new synaptic pathway. You wake up in the morning, open a thumbnail page, and it leads to a Pandora’s box of visuals. There have probably been days when I saw 300 vaginas before I got out of bed

PLAYBOY: What’s your point about porn and relationships?

MAYER: Internet pornography has absolutely changed my generation’s expectations. How could you be constantly synthesizing an orgasm based on dozens of shots? You’re looking for the one photo out of 100 you swear is going to be the one you finish to, and you still don’t finish. Twenty seconds ago you thought that photo was the hottest thing you ever saw, but you throw it back and continue your shot hunt and continue to make yourself late for work. How does that not affect the psychology of having a relationship with somebody? It’s got to.

PLAYBOY: You seem very fond of pornography.

MAYER: When I watch porn, if it’s not hot enough, I’ll make up backstories in my mind. My biggest dream is to write pornography.

PLAYBOY: Masturbation for you is as good as sex?

MAYER: Absolutely, because during sex, I’m just going to run a filmstrip. I’m still masturbating. That’s what you do when you’re 30, 31, 32. This is my problem now: Rather than meet somebody new, I would rather go home and replay the amazing experiences I’ve already had.

PLAYBOY: You’d rather jerk off to an ex-girlfriend than meet someone new?

MAYER: Yeah. What that explains is that I’m more comfortable in my imagination than I am in actual human discovery. The best days of my life are when I’ve dreamed about a sexual encounter with someone I’ve already been with. When that happens, I cannot lay off myself.

PLAYBOY: Do you still have a chip on your shoulder?

MAYER: Yep. I have an extremely tall antenna that reaches high into the sky and brings in a lot of cool stuff but also a lot of unnecessary stuff. If I hadn’t had my upbringing, I would have probably been like, “Yeah, this is fun. Cool.” But right now I still have “See? See, motherfucker?”

PLAYBOY: You said there are still things you don’t have. What are those things?

MAYER: I could make anybody understand that my life is not all rainbows and unicorns, but why would I want to? I’m sort of selling them the idea that it’s rainbows and unicorns. I could explain that, in fact, I’m not a douche bag, but that would be at the expense of believing in magic. I don’t want to tear down the facade. People want to imagine that if they get a record deal, they can buy a Ferrari. People need that. I don’t want to take that away from people. Anything I don’t have is a direct descendant of the things I do have. I mean, let’s say there’s a 12 percent chance I’ll never marry and have kids because the music career fucked me in some way. If that’s the case, I still know it’s my calling. I hold out hope that there’s a way to be a supernatural being onstage and an extremely natural being at home.

PLAYBOY: Why are you so anxious about never getting married?

MAYER: What if I meet a woman and it’s love at first sight, and this woman has the greatest night of her life by telling me to fuck off because she knows my reputation? I always say, “Turning me down is the new sleeping with me.” What is a guy supposed to say to a girl who says “You do this all the time”? Girls always say that. Sometimes they say “I’ve been warned about you.” But I can undo that in a couple of days. I have a line for that: “Keep your warning for a while; let’s take it slow.”

PLAYBOY: Maybe she’ll download it from BitTorrent.

MAYER: If Jennifer Aniston knows how to use BitTorrent I’ll eat my fucking shoe. One of the most significant differences between us was that I was tweeting. There was a rumor that I had been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn’t it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she’s still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, “These are the new rules.”

PLAYBOY: If you didn’t know you, would you think you’re a douche bag?

MAYER: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.

PLAYBOY: Because you’re very?

MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’"

PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.

MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.

PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?

MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.

PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.

MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.

PLAYBOY: You’ve also been called a man-whore.

MAYER: I feel like women are getting their comeuppance against men now. I hear about man-whores more than I hear about whores. When women are whorish, they’re owning their sexuality. When men are whorish, they’re disgusting beasts. I think they’re paying us back for a double standard that’s lasted for a hundred years.

PLAYBOY: That’s a reasonable number.

MAYER: But even if I said 12, that’s a reasonable number. So is 15. Here’s the thing: I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don’t like jumping through hoops. It’s been so long since I’ve taken a random girl home. I don’t want to have to submit myself for approval. I don’t want to audition. I’d rather come home and edge my shit out for 90 minutes. At this point, before I can have sex I need to know somebody. Unless she’s a 14 out of 10.

PLAYBOY: You have been very up front about your fondness for masturbation.

MAYER: It’s like a vacation—my brain gets to go free. It’s a walk in the park for my brain. Pull the shades and let your mind go without having to answer for it.

PLAYBOY: In 2006 you began dating Jessica Simpson, and the paparazzi started stalking you, turning you into a tabloid fixture. Certainly you knew that was going to happen.

MAYER: It wasn’t as direct as me saying “I now make the choice to bring the paparazzi into my life.” I really said, “I now make the choice to sleep with Jessica Simpson.” That was stronger than my desire to stay out of the paparazzi’s eye. That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me.

PLAYBOY: You were addicted to Jessica Simpson?

MAYER: Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm.

PLAYBOY: Among the things we’ve read about you online is this: You’re gay. Have you ever kissed a man?

MAYER: The only man I’ve kissed is Perez Hilton. It was New Year’s Eve and I decided to go out and destroy myself. I was dating Jessica at the time, and I remember seeing Perez Hilton flitting about this club and acting as though he had just invented homosexuality. All of a sudden I thought, I can outgay this guy right now. I grabbed him and gave him the dirtiest, tongue-iest kiss I have ever put on anybody—almost as if I hated fags. I don’t think my mouth was even touching when I was tongue kissing him, that’s how disgusting this kiss was. I’m a little ashamed. I think it lasted about half a minute. I really think it went on too long.

PLAYBOY: Would you kiss Harvey Levin?

MAYER: I would rim him, probably. I can’t just repeat the kissing trick.

PLAYBOY: But you already have platinum records and stardom.

MAYER: A platinum record is not going to wash your ass for you.

PLAYBOY: You said you were just exiting the phase of your life when relationships make you feel guilty. What’s the next phase?

MAYER: People are lining up around the block right now to watch me play music tonight. If some kid called me a douche bag on his terrible blog, I don’t really care. I’m letting myself out of my own prison. I’m not going to be a prisoner to a warden I can’t see. From now on I’m just going to pretend that people really dig the shit out of me. I’ve been so afraid of rocking the boat that I’m not sailing anywhere. I’ve been trying to prove to people I’m not a douche bag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That’s fucked up, man. I’m not dating. I’m not even fucking. So now I’m going to experiment with “fuck you.” In 2010 my goal is to get more mentions in Us Weekly than ever.

i understand that he was trying to be funny and all but john mayer is a disgrace...he took this whole "act" (then again it may not be) wayyyy too far. anyone who wants and needs attention this badly clearly has some issues within themselves that they need to deal with. for him to make the remarks that he did regarding blacks was low and uncalled for. regardless if it was intended to be a joke it did not come off that way. and for those (especially black men) who have the audacity to really question why black people especially black women are upset should be ashamed of themselves. in my book you are just as bad as him, if you really have to ask yourself that question. i dont need everyone in the world to like me, i know that as a black woman im not every mans desire.... hell black men dont even like black women anymore so i dont expect a white man to feel any differently but i do expect respect from any and every person. what john mayer did during this interview was wrong. he tried to demean and bash black people especially black women. everyone is entitled to their own opinion but dont dear tell someone else that they cant be upset because of the comments that was made my mr. mayer.. i was a big fan, and i wont deny the man his talent, but after today i will no longer support his music or anything else that he do from here on. and for him to put jessica simpson business out there like that is low and digusting.. what is wrong with this man?

so what do you all think about this interview and the comments that were made by john mayer?

♥♥♥♥

2010-02-10T03:04:00.005-05:00

only if he knew how i really feel...i should tell him but im afraid.. afraid of what exactly?! i dont know... my pride is too big, this i know.. its a downfall at times but i just cant let it go. i used to not see any sense of telling people especially him the way i feel in fear that i would be taking advantage of, i dont want that to happen to me. im afraid that i would look weak. i let my guard down once or twice before and both times i learned a valuable lesson. but every time i put a wall back up it only gets thicker and taller. i know its not good to bring past relationship issues into the present but shit thats easier said than done. who wants their heart broken. who wants to be denied. usually i am fine with being seen as emotionless or "hard" but when its someone you care about its hard to digest the fact that they view this way.... i mean we got into a really bad arguement early january and he called me a bitch.. i was shocked.. said i dont care about anyone, i have no emotion and im cold.. i was speechless. SPEECHLESS... i never thought he felt that way about me.. four years of us (whatever it may be) and thats what he thinks of me. he has since then apologized over and over but that is a hard pill to swallow. ive been trying to figure out if he is worth fighting for.. i kind of know he is but the real question is do i want to do it... like i said i hate embarrassment and rejection... i do care about him and he should know this. i know he knows this but it seems as though he wants to hear me say it. thats hard for me to do, i dont know how to. but i know that unless i do all he will tell me is "you didnt want to get back with me remember so you arent my girl and i can do what i want"... until i reveal how i feel he is going to continue to talk to other females and most likely fuck them. that hurts me to see it really does.. yet i still cant tell him everything that i feel and all the emotions and thoughts that are continuously running through my mind.. i know something has to be said though because since some girl claims they are in a relationship (facebook is the devil... but he denies it..calls her the girl upstairs) i really havent been able to focus. he claims they are just friends and she likes him (im sure its mutual) but i know that its not true. my friends keep telling me technically you cant be mad because you two are not together.. i dont give a fuck about that just because we are not together dont mean i cant have my feelings and voice my opinion.. and thats what i keep hearing from everyone; him, my friends and his friends.. its annoying why cant i be angry.. but its cool for him to get mad if he even see me walking with someone else?!?!..double standards are soo not cool. anyway i think before the week is over im just going to lay everything out (well almost everything im no fool) and tell him how i feel about him, everything that has happened, and things that are currently going on including ms.girl upstairs... i was thinking about getting a valentines day card even though he is not my valentine (first year single..ouch) and include a letter in it.. is that a good idea?.. hell i dont know, all i know is that i am not going to text him thats childish and its one of the biggest mistakes alot of people make. i was thinking something genuine and a kind gesture will be good (like the card).... any other ideas? all i know is that right now he is all i can think about and its bad..

black history month 3

2010-02-10T02:30:00.006-05:00

diamond ridgeway

university of west georgia

hometown: brooklyn, ny

psychology

twitter: I_RocDiamondz

Black History to me means Understanding yourself and Reflecting on where you could've been vs Where you are now. Its imperative that we know our history becuz if we leave it up to the schools all we are going to know is about white inventors and presidents. Although they teach us about slaves, the individual slaves arent highlighted, The chapter's subtitle is the name of the man that owned,sold or abused the slaves. Black children are just told that black people from the past did sooo much, but where not taught exactly WHAT they did. So Black HIstory month is a time to reflect and comprehend. We're here for a reason and we're going to succeed

black history month 2

2010-02-09T11:53:00.002-05:00

supastarrr

valencia community college

2nd year

hometown: orlando florida

general studies

twitter: _supastarrr

what does black history month mean to you? what are your feeling regarding black history month and who are some of your heroes and why?

Hey it's Supastarrr,

To me, Black History Month should be a way for us to reflect on what we've been through, where we are at now, && where we see ourselves in the future. Now, more than ever, because we have a black President, should be evidence that we can really do anything we set our minds to.

My hero is Malcolm X, definitely. Although he was a black supremacist, it's not hard to see why. He educated black people on their roots, helping them to stand up against white people until they were treated fairly. One of my favorite quotes by him is "Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery."

-Supastarrr

4 weeks after...

2010-02-08T18:02:00.003-05:00

the earthquake in haiti a Haitian man has been found alive and well.. besides dehydration and malnutrition the man is perfectly fine... this is evidence that God is good.. My God, your God is a mighty one and an all powerful God.. dont know the mans name but pray for him.

see the story right here

Black History Month 1

2010-02-08T16:46:00.004-05:00

WYAN SMITH:
21
senior
syracuse university
hometown: brooklyn, ny
business major

twitter: bk_smitty

what does black history month mean to you? what are your feeling regarding black history month and who are some of your heroes and why?
black history month always goes past my head. i really dont pay attention. however, i do believe tht it is important to pay homage to those who have and are currently paving the way. an imporant hero of figure for me is thurgood marshall because of his impact on society.

"if the first amendment means anything, it means that a state has no business telling a man, sitting alone in his house, what books he may read or what films he may watch."- Thurgood Marshall

my lovely lady lumps

2010-02-08T16:10:00.002-05:00

lol ok so i was over at the makings of me by the lovely daja and she did a post about ass and boobs.. so i decided to do the same.....

hmmmm as far as me backside is concerned i will consider myself bumper but my friends are over here telling me "im a lie" and that im a badonkadonk.. so its 4 against 1 so i will say badonkadonk...

as far as my lumps up top... i will consider myself watermelons... i mean i dont see myself as anything else on this chart..lol..sorry.. truth is my tattas are really not that big they just look huge as hell in clothing.. im only a 38 C... depending on the brand i can wear a D but most of all my bras are C's.. got them C/D's on deck...lmaooo

so everyone do you all think i accurately rated myself and if not what would you put down.. and ladies what do you rank yourselves let me know...

sidenote: i was really in my room checking myself out in the mirror...shame shame shame lol

que party

2010-02-06T01:29:00.003-05:00

last night i went to a que party cause i love them quessss... ( g tendencies) anyway i generally enjoy the company of a que but i was not feeling this particular que at all.. he was just doing the most.. too quick to show his ass and just doing the most... but umm yeah he was a mess.. hot mess.. oh and he had gold fronts. like two on the bottom and one on the top..where dey do that at???

but all in all i enjoyed myself.. i had a great time until a fight broke out and ppl were being tazed and jumped and omg it was just a big mess... but great time

jill scott- nothing is for nothing

2010-02-01T14:47:00.001-05:00

im feeling this poem by jill scott.. been replaying it for about an hour now and everytime i hear it i feel it more and more..sending some chills through my body.. what you think?

burberry scarf giveaway

2010-01-31T21:46:00.002-05:00

so juliana is having a giveaway on her blog.. check her out blondeinablog so here are the rules, to enter you must:

1~Leave a comment telling me where you would wear this if you won it. (1 entry)
2~Follow my blog (1 entry)
3~Follow @blondeinablog on twitter (1 entry)
4~Tweet about this giveaway, you must include @blondeinblog in your tweet
5~Repost this giveaway on your blog (5 entries)

so go check it out and enter... everyone loves designer things....

mlk suicide letter

2010-01-31T13:45:00.005-05:00

i was browsing the web and i came across a website dedicated to dr.martin luther king jr. sorry i cant remember the name of it, my computer started overheat like it always does and bugged out therefor closing out on its own. anyway i was able to save this document before it closed out. apparently the fbi wrote a letter to dr. king urging him to "off himself" before they will have to take matters into their own hands.. well here it is. tell me what you think. think its authentic?:

ok so i realize its a little small for those of you who cant see it says the following:

king, look into your heart. you know you are a complete fraud and a great liability to all of us Negroes. white people in this country have enough frauds of their own but i am sure they dont have one at this time that is any where near your equal. you are no clergyman and you know it. i repeat you are a colossal fraud and an evil, vicious one at that.

king, like all frauds your end is approaching. you could have been our greatest leader. but you are done. your "honorary" degrees, your nobel prize (what a grim terce) and other awards will not save you. king i repeat you are done.

the american public, the church organizations that have been helping- Protestant, catholic, and jews will know you for what you are- an evil, abnormal boast. so will others who have backed you. you are done.

king, there is only one thing left for you to do. you know what it is. you have just 34 days in which to do (this exact number has been aclocted for a specific reason, it holds a definite practical significant. you are done. there is but one way out for you.

letter to ex

2010-01-29T18:33:00.003-05:00

dear t,

nothing good comes from you treating me like shit, i wish you the best in everything you do... that is all

p.s: and even after every thing you have done i still smile. you will not steal my joy

over it, over you

2010-01-29T09:19:00.004-05:00

i remember when you filled my heart with joy

was i blinded by the truth, just there to fill the spaces

and now you have no interest in anything that i have to say

ive allowed you to make me feel; i feel so dumb

what kind of fool am i

you so easily set me aside

you made a fool of me

tell my why

you say that you dont care but we made love

tell me why

you made a fool of me

INDIA ARIE- YOU MADE A FOOL OF ME

so these past two weeks t and i have just been argueing all the time for any and everything so we both called it quits last night... last night was really bad, an arguement that turned to like a verbal battle and almost physical. i was done before but after yesterday i am extra done.. like im over it. four years of ups and downs, one minute we talking next minute we not.. that cycle is over. at least for me it is. like these past two weeks have been the absolute worst. it all started when the semester first started about three weeks ago his bestfriend apparently (i dont know how much of it is true) that i was talking to some other guy who he is cool with and he ran into us some random day (all lies) but anyway so t believed his bestfriend and since then its been down hill. then last week monday we got into a really bad arguement because i went back home to atl for the weekend and came back to my apartment on monday, anyway later on that night around nine or ten he calls me with small talk and he asks me if i am still in atlanta or if i am at my apartment, i told him that i was at my apartment and he just exploded on me. he was upset that i was back at my apartment for almost the entire day and i did not call him, come to see him, or tell him that i was back. we then started argueing about other things because he claims that i act like i am better than him, says that i am too good for him. besides that he asked me why i had been so upset with him, i told him not to worry about it because it doesnt matter anymore; he begged me for about 1o minutes to tell him so i told him how i felt and he just went off on me again.. WHY ASK FOR THE TRUTH IF YOU ARE NOT READY FOR IT. i personally dont think i said anything wrong, all i told him is that since he been here for school all he been doing in smoking weed and drinking all day everyday, i told him its okay to smoke and drink but in moderation he doesnt have to do it everyday. i also told him i dont like him mentioning other females names around me because i guy cant even text or call me with him around he would flip. i told him it is disresepectful and shows a lack of respect for me if he is talking about these girls in front of me. anyway it was alot more to it but we argued for almost two hours (last monday) i was exhausted i fell asleep on him . as a result of that arguement we did not speak for the entire week, i wouldnt bend and neither would he. finally saturday came around i was in my bed sleeping because it was like 7 oclock in the morning and this fool comes banging on my door and my window talking about he is sorry give him another chance, we need to stop argueing, we was never like this, etc. just banging down my door... AT SEVEN O'CLOCK IN THE DAMN MORNING... i was upset but i was still like well hmmm maybe he trying to get back good and change. hell all that sweet shit and nice gesture didnt even last a whole 24 hours. 1st: when he was at my apartment he asked me how was i going to get home i told him a friend was going to take me, in his little head a friend was equivalent to a guy friend not knowing that a friend was really just a friend and so he was trying to convince me to ride back to georgia with him, i told him no i had plans and i was going to stick with them. he asked how was i getting back to my apartment i told him again a friend, so he didnt like this and he wanted me to ride with him so that we can "talk" i agreed to it and told him i would ride back with him. okay cool so we went our seperate ways i went and had ladies night with my girls out in atlanta, at one point during the night (around 1) he called me to see what i was doing and i was at the sex toy shop this boy flipped on me, upset that i was in there i tried to laugh it off because i was in front of my friends and i just held the phone to my ears and smiled but deep inside i wanted to curse his ass out (talking about only a hoe go to them places) after we left there my friend jess dropped my sister and i back home around 3 oclock in the morning and no sooner than i walk through the front door my phone begin to vibrate and its him. he calls me asking me where i am now and i told him i was just walking through the door and then i ask him what is he doing... do yall know what this fool tells me... ON HIS WAY BACK TO ALABAMA TO THE APARTMENTS..i was so pissed i completely disregarded the time of night and cursed his ass out, that led to another arguement that lasted about thirty minutes until i decided to just hang up the phone on him so he proceeded to text me.. whatever. since then i hadnt spoken to him, the final straw for me was tuesday or wed i cant remember the exact day i log on to facebook and there are pictures of him and some other chick on his profile cause she tagged him to it, and the captions are all saying shit like: me and my boo and all this shit. i then go to her profile and her profile pic is of him and her and all her status for the past two or three weeks are all of him and her like: going to the mall with my boo t, laying down next to my boo i love watching him sleep, just left my boo place i love chillin with him and his boys.... so i just deactivated my facebook, erased both his numbers, i tried to get his number blocked by tmobile but they dont do that anymore, and i tried to block it on my phone but i dont know how to (if anyone has a samsung behold please inform me) anyway so i completely erased him out of my life but then that lasted all but two days cause yesterday he comes by my apartment and thats when all the argueing begin. talking about why havent i called him and he heard i have made dudes by my apartment (lies) what the hell i be doing and all this other stuff. that little spat didnt escalate too far cause i blocked him out and ended it but later on that day after he left my apartment he text me talking about he has a question to ask me i tell him to ask away... this bitch has the nerves to ask me if am cheating (mind you on monday he tells me i am not his girl because remember keenya you didnt want to committ to me) but now he is acting if i am cheating...wtf.. and then you have pics of you and some random bitch ( i try not to call ppl out their name because im sure she dont know about me) but you have pics with this random bitch and you asking me a question like that... so i told him its none of his business and then i ask him about her.. omg he went off. it was sooo bad it turned from texting to calling me to coming to my apartment and it just really got heated, i told him to do us both a favor delete my number and erase me from his memory i am sooo over it... im so over him... i didnt even cry last night... had no emotion towards the entire situation i just went to bed and slept (missed going out too dammit) but im really just over him and im tired, he drained the fuck out of me... i reactivated my facebook this morning and deleted him, his family, and all his friends as my friends because they be lying and i want no part of it.
its so many other things in between but it doesnt matter if i reveal them or not, its not going to change anything that has happened... i just really wish that after we broke up the first time last year i never went back.. that was my greatest mistake that i made when dealing with us

***I AM SOOOO GLAD I DECIDED TO REALLY STICK TO MY PROMISE TO MYSELF TO BE CELIBATE NO MATTER WHAT AND I DIDNT GIVE IN TO HIS OR MY OWN TEMPTATIONS SINCE AUGUST.. I LOVE MYSELF EVEN MORE FOR THAT***