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only if he knew how i really feel...i should tell him but im afraid.. afraid of what exactly?! i dont know... my pride is too big, this i know.. its a downfall at times but i just cant let it go. i used to not see any sense of telling people especially him the way i feel in fear that i would be taking advantage of, i dont want that to happen to me. im afraid that i would look weak. i let my guard down once or twice before and both times i learned a valuable lesson. but every time i put a wall back up it only gets thicker and taller. i know its not good to bring past relationship issues into the present but shit thats easier said than done. who wants their heart broken. who wants to be denied. usually i am fine with being seen as emotionless or "hard" but when its someone you care about its hard to digest the fact that they view this way.... i mean we got into a really bad arguement early january and he called me a bitch.. i was shocked.. said i dont care about anyone, i have no emotion and im cold.. i was speechless. SPEECHLESS... i never thought he felt that way about me.. four years of us (whatever it may be) and thats what he thinks of me. he has since then apologized over and over but that is a hard pill to swallow. ive been trying to figure out if he is worth fighting for.. i kind of know he is but the real question is do i want to do it... like i said i hate embarrassment and rejection... i do care about him and he should know this. i know he knows this but it seems as though he wants to hear me say it. thats hard for me to do, i dont know how to. but i know that unless i do all he will tell me is "you didnt want to get back with me remember so you arent my girl and i can do what i want"... until i reveal how i feel he is going to continue to talk to other females and most likely fuck them. that hurts me to see it really does.. yet i still cant tell him everything that i feel and all the emotions and thoughts that are continuously running through my mind.. i know something has to be said though because since some girl claims they are in a relationship (facebook is the devil... but he denies it..calls her the girl upstairs) i really havent been able to focus. he claims they are just friends and she likes him (im sure its mutual) but i know that its not true. my friends keep telling me technically you cant be mad because you two are not together.. i dont give a fuck about that just because we are not together dont mean i cant have my feelings and voice my opinion.. and thats what i keep hearing from everyone; him, my friends and his friends.. its annoying why cant i be angry.. but its cool for him to get mad if he even see me walking with someone else?!?!..double standards are soo not cool. anyway i think before the week is over im just going to lay everything out (well almost everything im no fool) and tell him how i feel about him, everything that has happened, and things that are currently going on including ms.girl upstairs... i was thinking about getting a valentines day card even though he is not my valentine (first year single..ouch) and include a letter in it.. is that a good idea?.. hell i dont know, all i know is that i am not going to text him thats childish and its one of the biggest mistakes alot of people make. i was thinking something genuine and a kind gesture will be good (like the card).... any other ideas? all i know is that right now he is all i can think about and its bad..

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boobie tales

ok yall so i am back with updating... sorry i would of done it earlier with the earliest post but i was tired so i had to take a nap. i am still tired but everyone keeps calling me so i cant even go to sleep properly the way that i want to. anyway this post is about breast/ boobies/ tatas/ titties.... so mine arent that big even though they look huge in pictures. they are average. i was a c cup for about seven years (up until this year) and then one day i wake up and they were like a huge D... i dont care either way but they just ballooned. i love my breast whether big or small. i love them. anyway so my breast went from a c to a big D in less than a month they just kept getting bigger and bigger. at first i thought i may have been pregnant so i was freaking out... took a couple of test, even went to the doctor had some blood work done, and that wasnt it. so then i thought that maybe it was my birth control... but that wasnt it either..whatever it was my body had changed... anywho i always heard that my breast wer perky but it seems as though now they sit right in my face. i love my boobs and i dont care about that but what i hate the most is that when i go out with friends and family as i am walking down the street all people do is stare at my chest (men and women). some of my friends always be like damn xxxx cover up...damn girl you need to put them boobies in.. why you always have to show so much chest. i be like bitch stop hating...lol but honestly i dont have my chest out on purpose.. my intention is not to have it in everyone faces but that is what happen. needless to say what irritates me the most is when i go on a date and my breast are the main focus.. ahemm can you please pay attention to me. my first initial trip up here which was like a month ago, every date i went on was all about my breast not me. i mean its cool to know that people think my breast are perfect, shiny,solid beings. but damn can they breath. i hate clothes so i hate the thought that i might just need to wear a turtleneck so that people can look at me and not my boobs. oh this picture is a pic of me and my homegirl momo... we had went out to a bar and the bartender *who is female* tried to get with me... lol and earlier that day i went to my mothers job and her coworker who is also female slid me her number and molested me infront of my mother... yuck.. i posted this picture up on facebook and i had like fifteen comments in five minutes... i had one dude on facebook a couple of months back hit me up just because he was flipping through my pictures and wanted to see me (my breast) in person... he keeps messaging me asking to see me so we can "get to know each other" and " have some fun"....ahhh i think i will pass on that one.... but if i may so myself they are just gorgeous.... lol. i def have a story to tell you all later about my piercing... until then PLUSH

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