When Life Hits

It’s weird because it took a conversation I had today with my biology teacher for me to realize what I have been feeling inside for a while and for me to understand what my mother has been telling me. Point blank simple there is no reason to rush. No reason to rush life. No reason to rush getting older. Everything will happen in due time and before you know it you blink an eye and you are a grown person, hopefully your own person making grown people decisions. You have bills to pay and important decisions to make. You have to work 9-5 there is no calling mommy or asking daddy for help. So why was I always in a rush to grow up? I am twenty now facing twenty one in a couple of months and I am starting to get scared. To be honest as soon as January 1, 2009 came around I started getting scared. Thinking about my birthday that is around the corner really gives me anxiety attacks. Just thinking about officially being on my own, finally legal (not like over 18 legal but damn I’m 21 legal) the thought scares the shit out of me. I will be done with school soon so I will be forced to face the real world. Force to do things on my own. Now when we all live with parents we like to think we are grown, come in whenever we want, trying to prove to our parents that we can do it. But then it comes to a point where you have to prove to yourself that you can do it. You have to prove to yourself that you can make it on your own? And that time for me is vastly approaching. I know I can do it but the question now is, do I want to do it. Time is flying by too quick.. I was just a kid.. Going to elementary school being a little bad ass… I miss the days when I wasn’t really held responsible for my behavior, now I am held responsible for everything I do and every decision I make. It scares me but you know what I AM READY!!!