personal decision

last night i made a personal decision to abstain from sex and remain celibate until i find the one that i feel is right for me. now im not saying i am remaining celibate till marriage, i will remain celibate until i am involved in a long term commitment. this decision was not an easy one but it was not hard either. i have not had sex since august 10th (yes i mark on my calender when i have sex), and this is because of one or three reasons: 1. been busy with school 2. i been questioning my relations/relationship with this guy 3. i have been thinking of all the new shit that is going around. for the past couple of months i dont know what has been going on with me, but i am viewing life and the value of it in a different light. i dont think the same way that i did 6 months ago. my decision to go and remain celibate has been in the works since august because before then i hadnt had sex since january, but it wasnt until last night when i was doing my post for aids walk atlanta did i solidify my decision. now my decision is not solely on the basis of aids and std's (although they do play a huge role) my decision was one that i chose because i feel that i myself is borderline addicted to sex, i rely on it too much and i dont think that is good. i do not sleep around with random men, that has never been my style, still can count on one hand how many men i have been with but i do enjoy sex and have to have it. i used to call it sexual liberation (like chick from girlfriends) but then i started to view it as a problem when the subject of sex took up my thought process for the majority of the day. my boyfriend is upset with me but i really dont care what the thinks, this is my decision and a final decision. if he cant understand it then he can go, there is nothing holding him back, but i wont be having sex.
for the past couple of years i have continuously heard the statistics amongst african american and women with hiv/aids. i knew what they were but for some reason i never really took heed to them like i did last night. maybe because i am a visual learner and the words meant nothing to me until i seen the side by side comparison and graphs of hiv/aids cases of african americans compared to any other race but it scared the shit out of me last night. here are the stats:

HIV/AIDS in 2007 

Blacks accounted for 51% of the 42, 655 (including children) new HIV/AIDS diagnoses in 34 states with long-term, confidential name-based HIV reporting.
Blacks accounted for 48% of the 551,932 persons* (including children) living with HIV/AIDS in 34 states with long-term, confidential name-based HIV reporting.
For black women living with HIV/AIDS, the most common methods of transmission were high-risk heterosexual contact** and injection drug use.
For black men living with HIV/AIDS, the most common methods of HIV transmission were (in order):
sexual contact with other men
injection drug use
high-risk heterosexual contact.

STATISTICS FOR WOMEN

Today, women account for more than one quarter of all new HIV/AIDS diagnoses. Women of color are especially affected by HIV infection and AIDS. In 2004 (the most recent year for which data are available), HIV infection was

• the leading cause of death for black women (including African American women) aged 25–34 years.
• the 3rd leading cause of death for black women aged 35–44 years.
• the 4th leading cause of death for black women aged 45–54 years.
• the 4th leading cause of death for Hispanic women aged 35–44 years.

In the same year, HIV infection was the 5th leading cause of death among all women aged 35–44 years and the 6th leading cause of death among all women aged 25–34 years. The only diseases causing more deaths of women were cancer and heart disease. Of the 126,964 women living with HIV/AIDS, 64% were black, 19% were white, 15% were Hispanic, 1% were Asian or Pacific Islander, and less than 1% were American Indian or Alaska Native.

Race/ethnicity of women with HIV/AIDS diagnosed during 2005 Transmission categories and race/ethnicity of women living with HIV/AIDS at the end of 2005

	Diagnosis of HIV/AIDS in females aged 15-39 years
	2001		2004
	No.	(%)*	No.	(%)*
White	1,218	(63)	996	(56)
Black	5,229	(62)	4,091	(58)
Hispanic	1,192	(60)	819	(57)
Asian/Pacific Islander	31	(55)	62	(66)
American Indian/Alaska Native	23	(52)	39	(68)

STATISTICS FOR YOUTH

HIV/AIDS in 2004

• An estimated 4,883 young people received a diagnosis of HIV infection or AIDS, representing about 13% of the persons given a diagnosis during that year [1].
• HIV infection progressed to AIDS more slowly among young people than among all persons with a diagnosis of HIV infection. The following are the proportions of persons in whom HIV infection did not progress to AIDS within 12 months after diagnosis of HIV infection:
  • 81% of persons aged 15–24
  • 70% of persons aged 13–14
  • 61% of all persons
• African Americans were disproportionately affected by HIV infection, accounting for 55% of all HIV infections reported among persons aged 13–24 [2].
• Young men who have sex with men (MSM), especially those of minority races or ethnicities, were at high risk for HIV infection. In the 7 cities that participated in CDC’s Young Men’s Survey during 1994–1998, 14% of African American MSM and 7% of Hispanic MSM aged 15–22 were infected with HIV.
• During 2001–2004, in the 33 states with long-term, confidential name-based HIV reporting, 62% of the 17,824 persons 13–24 years of age given a diagnoses of HIV/AIDS were males, and 38% were females.

Age of persons with HIV infection or AIDS diagnosed during 2004

Note. Based on data from 35 areas with long-term, confidential name-based HIV reporting.

AIDS in 2004

• An estimated 2,174 young people received a diagnosis of AIDS (5.1% of the estimated total of 42,514 AIDS diagnoses), and 232 young people with AIDS died.
• An estimated 7,761 young people were living with AIDS, a 42% increase since 2000, when 5,457 young people were living with AIDS.
• Young people for whom AIDS was diagnosed during 1996–2004 lived longer than persons with AIDS in any other age group except those younger than 13 years. Nine years after receiving a diagnosis of AIDS, 76% of those aged 13–24 were alive, compared with
  • 81% of those younger than age 13
  • 74% of those aged 25–34
  • 70% of those aged 35–44
  • 63% of those aged 45–54
  • 53% of those aged 55 and older.
• Since the beginning of the epidemic, an estimated 40,059 young people in the United States had received a diagnosis of AIDS, and an estimated 10,129 young people with AIDS had died. They accounted for about 4% of the estimated total of 944,306 AIDS diagnoses and 2% of the 529,113 deaths of people with AIDS.