what is beauty

what is your definition of beauty?
webster's define beauty as: quality that is pleasing to the eye
growing up i was always called beautiful and pretty from family members and some peers. but its when i entered around junior high the perception of beauty that was then introduced to me changed. i went from little girl beautiful (maybe because of innocence) to the dark skin, not so skinny girl. i was referred to as a big girl in school. i will tell you right now im not a size 4, 8, hell im not even a 12. but i am me. it was hard from junior high through almost all of high school. i hated myself. but i never showed that to the world. everyone though that i was so confident and had no care in the world. even today sometimes i have my bad days like we all do where i just wake up in the morning and im not feeling myself, but i will be damned if i portray that to the world. i do my hair, put on my makeup, get dressed to kill like i would do any other day, and when i open my front door i put a smile on my face. but anyway back to what i was saying growing up i wasnt one of the pretty girls it wasnt because i was ugly in the face (cause Lord knows im gorgeous..lol) but it was because i was dark skin and i was fat (kids can be mean) i used to beat myself up. it got so bad that at one point my last year in junior high till about my second year in high school i will binge. i will eat and then throw my food back up. it was my escape and it was just what i needed. i get the taste of the food and satisfaction of eating it without absorbing all of the calories. but at that age what i failed to realize is that despite what some may think beauty is what i choose to define it to be. beauty is fluent not solid. what may be horrific to one may be the most gorgeous thing to the next. what i also failed to realize is that all that time i was telling myself that i did not want to be like some of my aunts, cousins, and family members. i didnt want to be diabetic like my great grand mother or big as hell like my aunt, and although i tried my hardest to stay away from that spectrum and be the opposite of my family, we do share the same DNA. genetics play a huge role in weight no matter what some ignorant people might try to tell you. i played basketball, volleyball, etc., worked out, didnt eat some days and i still never went under a size ten (in high school) i am who i am and i just had to accept that. what i also didnt know is that the entire time i had a thyroid disorder. it wasnt until my freshman year in college that my doctors decided to run some test and realized that i am hypothyriotic. what this means is my body is slow, hair dont grow, skin dry, metabolism slow, nails brittle because the hormones in my body is not being produced the way that they should.
but anyway back to what i was saying. i had to learn to love myself because at the end of the day no one in this world has to wake up with me everyday but me. only i have to live with the decisions i make and the way that i look. it took me along time to love and accept myself. i didnt love myself for a long time. it wasnt until i moved to georgia my senior year in high school where i completely accepted myself for what i am and what i will be. now today i love myself you cant tell me s*it. beauty is in the eye of the beholder. beauty is what you make it. when i was younger it was like crazy to be big. like it just wasnt the "thing" to be. now i love myself and apparently some (not all) people love my body type and some (not all) females will like a shape like mine.. ass for days, hips like damn, and a smile that stretches for miles. my butt, hips, tummy, love handles, they all used to be my enemy. now they are my companion. when its cold outside it keeps me warm, and when its warm outside they give me a little umpph in my wardrobe. to love yourself takes alot of work, alot of self acceptance, alot of being real with yourself and honest. i had to be honest with myself, i will never be a 2,4,6 hell i may not even be a 8. but i am me and thats all that matters. as long as i am comfortable and HEALTHY then i will never complain. weight is the least of anyones issues i wake up in the morning and thank God everyday i have two legs, hands, feet, arms, ears, eyes, a nose, and a mouth.. most of all i have my sanity. i am in good working condition i have nothing to complain about.
my definition of beauty is:ME

"BEAUTY COMES AS MUCH FROM THE MIND AS FROM THE EYE"- GREY LIVINGSTON

2 comments:

Sasha P. March 10, 2010 at 8:32 AM  

reading this was an eye opener for me. knowing you in jhs, i always thought you were so confident and outspoken and maybe that's what you wanted everyone to see but i would have never known at the time that you were insecure about certain things. now that i'm older, that's just common sense. every 13 year old girl is insecure about a lot of things, even though to others, they might be the most beautiful, flawless girl in the world. as you know, i've always been very petite, light skin, long hair but back then (as you also know) i was very soft spoken (if i spoke at all). i was always blending into the background, afraid to say the wrong things and be laughed at. i think these insecurities are all a part of growing up and figuring out who you are and it varies because everyone is so different. whereas you were worrying about the outside, i was worrying about the inside. there are plenty of people who hate both aspects of themselves and like you said, it's just the process of learning to love yourself for who you are. you can't expect others to love you without first loving yourself. thanks for this, it was really inspirational.

tha unpretentious narcissist © March 19, 2010 at 5:30 PM  

beauty is who you are. it's what is seen when there is nothing left. it's something a blind person can see. i hate people who judge others. usually the one's who talk about you no matter how aesthetically attractive they look, are insecure as hell about something & hate you because you're happy to be you. when ppl can't be happy to be themselves they feel like you have no right to be happy either.

i was picked on in school for being short. by this dude that was mad that although i was short chicks still liked me. maybe because he looked like an alligator? and his jerk personality make him as equally ugly...i dunno. but ppl try to find something they think they can make bother you.

even when you're grown. if you don't make as much money. or you don't drive as nice of a car. your house isn't as big. your kids aren't on the honor roll. whatever they can pick at you about that they think they can bother you, they will. to make themselves feel better.

always remember beauty is within your spirit. it's something someone can sense and feel when you walk in the room. it's how God sees you, and honestly that's the only opinion that's important. don't let ppl with soiled beauty soil yours. you are beautiful because God says you're beautiful. always remember that.

fuck the haters.