webster's define beauty as: quality that is pleasing to the eye
growing up i was always called beautiful and pretty from family members and some peers. but its when i entered around junior high the perception of beauty that was then introduced to me changed. i went from little girl beautiful (maybe because of innocence) to the dark skin, not so skinny girl. i was referred to as a big girl in school. i will tell you right now im not a size 4, 8, hell im not even a 12. but i am me. it was hard from junior high through almost all of high school. i hated myself. but i never showed that to the world. everyone though that i was so confident and had no care in the world. even today sometimes i have my bad days like we all do where i just wake up in the morning and im not feeling myself, but i will be damned if i portray that to the world. i do my hair, put on my makeup, get dressed to kill like i would do any other day, and when i open my front door i put a smile on my face. but anyway back to what i was saying growing up i wasnt one of the pretty girls it wasnt because i was ugly in the face (cause Lord knows im gorgeous..lol) but it was because i was dark skin and i was fat (kids can be mean) i used to beat myself up. it got so bad that at one point my last year in junior high till about my second year in high school i will binge. i will eat and then throw my food back up. it was my escape and it was just what i needed. i get the taste of the food and satisfaction of eating it without absorbing all of the calories. but at that age what i failed to realize is that despite what some may think beauty is what i choose to define it to be. beauty is fluent not solid. what may be horrific to one may be the most gorgeous thing to the next. what i also failed to realize is that all that time i was telling myself that i did not want to be like some of my aunts, cousins, and family members. i didnt want to be diabetic like my great grand mother or big as hell like my aunt, and although i tried my hardest to stay away from that spectrum and be the opposite of my family, we do share the same DNA. genetics play a huge role in weight no matter what some ignorant people might try to tell you. i played basketball, volleyball, etc., worked out, didnt eat some days and i still never went under a size ten (in high school) i am who i am and i just had to accept that. what i also didnt know is that the entire time i had a thyroid disorder. it wasnt until my freshman year in college that my doctors decided to run some test and realized that i am hypothyriotic. what this means is my body is slow, hair dont grow, skin dry, metabolism slow, nails brittle because the hormones in my body is not being produced the way that they should.
but anyway back to what i was saying. i had to learn to love myself because at the end of the day no one in this world has to wake up with me everyday but me. only i have to live with the decisions i make and the way that i look. it took me along time to love and accept myself. i didnt love myself for a long time. it wasnt until i moved to georgia my senior year in high school where i completely accepted myself for what i am and what i will be. now today i love myself you cant tell me s*it. beauty is in the eye of the beholder. beauty is what you make it. when i was younger it was like crazy to be big. like it just wasnt the "thing" to be. now i love myself and apparently some (not all) people love my body type and some (not all) females will like a shape like mine.. ass for days, hips like damn, and a smile that stretches for miles. my butt, hips, tummy, love handles, they all used to be my enemy. now they are my companion. when its cold outside it keeps me warm, and when its warm outside they give me a little umpph in my wardrobe. to love yourself takes alot of work, alot of self acceptance, alot of being real with yourself and honest. i had to be honest with myself, i will never be a 2,4,6 hell i may not even be a 8. but i am me and thats all that matters. as long as i am comfortable and HEALTHY then i will never complain. weight is the least of anyones issues i wake up in the morning and thank God everyday i have two legs, hands, feet, arms, ears, eyes, a nose, and a mouth.. most of all i have my sanity. i am in good working condition i have nothing to complain about.
my definition of beauty is:ME
"BEAUTY COMES AS MUCH FROM THE MIND AS FROM THE EYE"- GREY LIVINGSTON