over it, over you

i remember when you filled my heart with joy
was i blinded by the truth, just there to fill the spaces
and now you have no interest in anything that i have to say
ive allowed you to make me feel; i feel so dumb
what kind of fool am i
you so easily set me aside
you made a fool of me
tell my why
you say that you dont care but we made love
tell me why
you made a fool of me
INDIA ARIE- YOU MADE A FOOL OF ME


so these past two weeks t and i have just been argueing all the time for any and everything so we both called it quits last night... last night was really bad, an arguement that turned to like a verbal battle and almost physical. i was done before but after yesterday i am extra done.. like im over it. four years of ups and downs, one minute we talking next minute we not.. that cycle is over. at least for me it is. like these past two weeks have been the absolute worst. it all started when the semester first started about three weeks ago his bestfriend apparently (i dont know how much of it is true) that i was talking to some other guy who he is cool with and he ran into us some random day (all lies) but anyway so t believed his bestfriend and since then its been down hill. then last week monday we got into a really bad arguement because i went back home to atl for the weekend and came back to my apartment on monday, anyway later on that night around nine or ten he calls me with small talk and he asks me if i am still in atlanta or if i am at my apartment, i told him that i was at my apartment and he just exploded on me. he was upset that i was back at my apartment for almost the entire day and i did not call him, come to see him, or tell him that i was back. we then started argueing about other things because he claims that i act like i am better than him, says that i am too good for him. besides that he asked me why i had been so upset with him, i told him not to worry about it because it doesnt matter anymore; he begged me for about 1o minutes to tell him so i told him how i felt and he just went off on me again.. WHY ASK FOR THE TRUTH IF YOU ARE NOT READY FOR IT. i personally dont think i said anything wrong, all i told him is that since he been here for school all he been doing in smoking weed and drinking all day everyday, i told him its okay to smoke and drink but in moderation he doesnt have to do it everyday. i also told him i dont like him mentioning other females names around me because i guy cant even text or call me with him around he would flip. i told him it is disresepectful and shows a lack of respect for me if he is talking about these girls in front of me. anyway it was alot more to it but we argued for almost two hours (last monday) i was exhausted i fell asleep on him . as a result of that arguement we did not speak for the entire week, i wouldnt bend and neither would he. finally saturday came around i was in my bed sleeping because it was like 7 oclock in the morning and this fool comes banging on my door and my window talking about he is sorry give him another chance, we need to stop argueing, we was never like this, etc. just banging down my door... AT SEVEN O'CLOCK IN THE DAMN MORNING... i was upset but i was still like well hmmm maybe he trying to get back good and change. hell all that sweet shit and nice gesture didnt even last a whole 24 hours. 1st: when he was at my apartment he asked me how was i going to get home i told him a friend was going to take me, in his little head a friend was equivalent to a guy friend not knowing that a friend was really just a friend and so he was trying to convince me to ride back to georgia with him, i told him no i had plans and i was going to stick with them. he asked how was i getting back to my apartment i told him again a friend, so he didnt like this and he wanted me to ride with him so that we can "talk" i agreed to it and told him i would ride back with him. okay cool so we went our seperate ways i went and had ladies night with my girls out in atlanta, at one point during the night (around 1) he called me to see what i was doing and i was at the sex toy shop this boy flipped on me, upset that i was in there i tried to laugh it off because i was in front of my friends and i just held the phone to my ears and smiled but deep inside i wanted to curse his ass out (talking about only a hoe go to them places) after we left there my friend jess dropped my sister and i back home around 3 oclock in the morning and no sooner than i walk through the front door my phone begin to vibrate and its him. he calls me asking me where i am now and i told him i was just walking through the door and then i ask him what is he doing... do yall know what this fool tells me... ON HIS WAY BACK TO ALABAMA TO THE APARTMENTS..i was so pissed i completely disregarded the time of night and cursed his ass out, that led to another arguement that lasted about thirty minutes until i decided to just hang up the phone on him so he proceeded to text me.. whatever. since then i hadnt spoken to him, the final straw for me was tuesday or wed i cant remember the exact day i log on to facebook and there are pictures of him and some other chick on his profile cause she tagged him to it, and the captions are all saying shit like: me and my boo and all this shit. i then go to her profile and her profile pic is of him and her and all her status for the past two or three weeks are all of him and her like: going to the mall with my boo t, laying down next to my boo i love watching him sleep, just left my boo place i love chillin with him and his boys.... so i just deactivated my facebook, erased both his numbers, i tried to get his number blocked by tmobile but they dont do that anymore, and i tried to block it on my phone but i dont know how to (if anyone has a samsung behold please inform me) anyway so i completely erased him out of my life but then that lasted all but two days cause yesterday he comes by my apartment and thats when all the argueing begin. talking about why havent i called him and he heard i have made dudes by my apartment (lies) what the hell i be doing and all this other stuff. that little spat didnt escalate too far cause i blocked him out and ended it but later on that day after he left my apartment he text me talking about he has a question to ask me i tell him to ask away... this bitch has the nerves to ask me if am cheating (mind you on monday he tells me i am not his girl because remember keenya you didnt want to committ to me) but now he is acting if i am cheating...wtf.. and then you have pics of you and some random bitch ( i try not to call ppl out their name because im sure she dont know about me) but you have pics with this random bitch and you asking me a question like that... so i told him its none of his business and then i ask him about her.. omg he went off. it was sooo bad it turned from texting to calling me to coming to my apartment and it just really got heated, i told him to do us both a favor delete my number and erase me from his memory i am sooo over it... im so over him... i didnt even cry last night... had no emotion towards the entire situation i just went to bed and slept (missed going out too dammit) but im really just over him and im tired, he drained the fuck out of me... i reactivated my facebook this morning and deleted him, his family, and all his friends as my friends because they be lying and i want no part of it.
its so many other things in between but it doesnt matter if i reveal them or not, its not going to change anything that has happened... i just really wish that after we broke up the first time last year i never went back.. that was my greatest mistake that i made when dealing with us

***I AM SOOOO GLAD I DECIDED TO REALLY STICK TO MY PROMISE TO MYSELF TO BE CELIBATE NO MATTER WHAT AND I DIDNT GIVE IN TO HIS OR MY OWN TEMPTATIONS SINCE AUGUST.. I LOVE MYSELF EVEN MORE FOR THAT***

3 comments:

Secretia January 29, 2010 at 1:44 PM  

That is so much that happened.

Secretia

tha unpretentious narcissist © January 29, 2010 at 2:06 PM  

aw that sucks, but at the same time it's good you're free of that situation. wanna really get him mad? give me dude number..i'll give him call & tell him not only am i dating you i'm dating ol' girl off facebook too...lol

Miss.Fortune January 29, 2010 at 3:31 PM  

now is the heeling process..
this is the hard part but you can do it