GOLDEN MIND: break up

Showing posts with label break up. Show all posts

after the hurricane

when you give your heart to someone and they continuously do you wrong, over and over, after a while they damage you... being in a one sided relationship/situation hurts. its painful and its embarrassing.. i love this song (its been on replay for two weeks now)... such a beautiful song

free from chains of love

Eminem- "25 to Life"

I dont think she understand the sacrifices that i made

maybe if the bitch had acted right i would've stayed

but ive already wasted over half of my my life i woud've laid

down and died for you i no longer cry for you

no more pain

bitch, you took me for granted, took my heart

................

i gave up my life for you, totally devoted to you

always in a rush to get back to you, i aint heard you yet

not even once say you appreciate me, i deserve respect

................

and i wont be coming back so dont hold your fucking breath

you know what youve done no need to go in depth

................

all i ever felt was this helplessness

imprisoned by a selfish bitch, chew me up and spit me out

i fell for this so many times, its ridiculous

and i still i stick with this, im sick of this

my friends keep asking why i cant just walk away

but this time i aint changing my mind

im climbing out this abyss

this song has been on repeat since ive downloaded eminem's album, this song is deeper than any that ive heard in a long time. i guess it speaks volumes to me because of all that i am going through right now and the decisions that i have recently made in regards to my relationship (or ex relationship). i feel eminem and everything he is saying. the first time i heard this song the words caught my attention, but because i wasnt really paying attention i really didnt get to experience it fully. after the song was done i automatically replayed it, the second time i listened to the song i cried... i cried hard and long. i sat on my couch and balled. since this song has come into my life it opened my eyes and made me realize things that I DID NOT WANT TO SEE.

a couple of weeks ago i looked in the mirror and i look so tired.. still youthful but very tired.. i still smiled but my natural shine was no longer coming through, and it easy to brush it off until other people stars mentioning it, then it becomes a problem

when i started apologizing for things that had nothing to do with me, that was not my fault i knew that this relationship was a problem

when he started going through my stuff i realized it was a problem

when he attempted to kick down my door... I KNEW I HAD TO END THIS!

there are alot of things i can deal with and i have dealt with. there is alot of things that i have put up with but everyone has a limit and i have reached mine.

ive said i was done before but i know that this time its true. everyday when i look at him i used to see fireworks in my head, the only thoughts that ran through my head was "this man is going to be my husband, i love him, he is my bestfriend, wow so this is what it feels like" i literally saw my future in his eyes. last week when i looked at him i was disgusted, there was no fireworks, no vision, no nothing. i simply felt nothing, the only thought that ran through my head was this: "four fucking years.. i wasted four years with you, waiting for you to get right.smh"

and if i wasnt sure before if i was really done with him this time, last week was even more confirmation for me. im telling you God is always on time.

when the whole baby thing went down and he saw nothing wrong with the whole situation, he didnt feel the need to explain, apologize, or nothing i was disgusted

im not mad/wasnt mad about the possibility of him having a second child. im pissed because if there is someone else out there claiming that you are the father of their child that means you had to have had unprotected sex with this girl (the condom broke line is for the birds i know the deal), and if you are out there having unprotected sex with this girl, how many other girls are you having unprotected sex with.. you put me at risk and my life in danger. how can you possibly love me when you are out there fucking bitches raw, you dont love me, not at all. your selfish ass loves no one but yourself. my life in danger was the straw that broke the camels back.

i no longer trust you, no longer believe anything you say, i no longer have the desire to make love to you.. so why stay? there is nothing keeping me but time and memories and honestly it kept me long enough, but its not strong enough to sustain another day... I CANT

ive realized through all this that: LOVE ISNT ALWAYS ENOUGH

i cant say that i dont love him because i do, but i love myself alot more and im wise enough to know that i have to move on.

letter to ex

dear t,

nothing good comes from you treating me like shit, i wish you the best in everything you do... that is all

p.s: and even after every thing you have done i still smile. you will not steal my joy

over it, over you

i remember when you filled my heart with joy

was i blinded by the truth, just there to fill the spaces

and now you have no interest in anything that i have to say

ive allowed you to make me feel; i feel so dumb

what kind of fool am i

you so easily set me aside

you made a fool of me

tell my why

you say that you dont care but we made love

tell me why

you made a fool of me

INDIA ARIE- YOU MADE A FOOL OF ME

so these past two weeks t and i have just been argueing all the time for any and everything so we both called it quits last night... last night was really bad, an arguement that turned to like a verbal battle and almost physical. i was done before but after yesterday i am extra done.. like im over it. four years of ups and downs, one minute we talking next minute we not.. that cycle is over. at least for me it is. like these past two weeks have been the absolute worst. it all started when the semester first started about three weeks ago his bestfriend apparently (i dont know how much of it is true) that i was talking to some other guy who he is cool with and he ran into us some random day (all lies) but anyway so t believed his bestfriend and since then its been down hill. then last week monday we got into a really bad arguement because i went back home to atl for the weekend and came back to my apartment on monday, anyway later on that night around nine or ten he calls me with small talk and he asks me if i am still in atlanta or if i am at my apartment, i told him that i was at my apartment and he just exploded on me. he was upset that i was back at my apartment for almost the entire day and i did not call him, come to see him, or tell him that i was back. we then started argueing about other things because he claims that i act like i am better than him, says that i am too good for him. besides that he asked me why i had been so upset with him, i told him not to worry about it because it doesnt matter anymore; he begged me for about 1o minutes to tell him so i told him how i felt and he just went off on me again.. WHY ASK FOR THE TRUTH IF YOU ARE NOT READY FOR IT. i personally dont think i said anything wrong, all i told him is that since he been here for school all he been doing in smoking weed and drinking all day everyday, i told him its okay to smoke and drink but in moderation he doesnt have to do it everyday. i also told him i dont like him mentioning other females names around me because i guy cant even text or call me with him around he would flip. i told him it is disresepectful and shows a lack of respect for me if he is talking about these girls in front of me. anyway it was alot more to it but we argued for almost two hours (last monday) i was exhausted i fell asleep on him . as a result of that arguement we did not speak for the entire week, i wouldnt bend and neither would he. finally saturday came around i was in my bed sleeping because it was like 7 oclock in the morning and this fool comes banging on my door and my window talking about he is sorry give him another chance, we need to stop argueing, we was never like this, etc. just banging down my door... AT SEVEN O'CLOCK IN THE DAMN MORNING... i was upset but i was still like well hmmm maybe he trying to get back good and change. hell all that sweet shit and nice gesture didnt even last a whole 24 hours. 1st: when he was at my apartment he asked me how was i going to get home i told him a friend was going to take me, in his little head a friend was equivalent to a guy friend not knowing that a friend was really just a friend and so he was trying to convince me to ride back to georgia with him, i told him no i had plans and i was going to stick with them. he asked how was i getting back to my apartment i told him again a friend, so he didnt like this and he wanted me to ride with him so that we can "talk" i agreed to it and told him i would ride back with him. okay cool so we went our seperate ways i went and had ladies night with my girls out in atlanta, at one point during the night (around 1) he called me to see what i was doing and i was at the sex toy shop this boy flipped on me, upset that i was in there i tried to laugh it off because i was in front of my friends and i just held the phone to my ears and smiled but deep inside i wanted to curse his ass out (talking about only a hoe go to them places) after we left there my friend jess dropped my sister and i back home around 3 oclock in the morning and no sooner than i walk through the front door my phone begin to vibrate and its him. he calls me asking me where i am now and i told him i was just walking through the door and then i ask him what is he doing... do yall know what this fool tells me... ON HIS WAY BACK TO ALABAMA TO THE APARTMENTS..i was so pissed i completely disregarded the time of night and cursed his ass out, that led to another arguement that lasted about thirty minutes until i decided to just hang up the phone on him so he proceeded to text me.. whatever. since then i hadnt spoken to him, the final straw for me was tuesday or wed i cant remember the exact day i log on to facebook and there are pictures of him and some other chick on his profile cause she tagged him to it, and the captions are all saying shit like: me and my boo and all this shit. i then go to her profile and her profile pic is of him and her and all her status for the past two or three weeks are all of him and her like: going to the mall with my boo t, laying down next to my boo i love watching him sleep, just left my boo place i love chillin with him and his boys.... so i just deactivated my facebook, erased both his numbers, i tried to get his number blocked by tmobile but they dont do that anymore, and i tried to block it on my phone but i dont know how to (if anyone has a samsung behold please inform me) anyway so i completely erased him out of my life but then that lasted all but two days cause yesterday he comes by my apartment and thats when all the argueing begin. talking about why havent i called him and he heard i have made dudes by my apartment (lies) what the hell i be doing and all this other stuff. that little spat didnt escalate too far cause i blocked him out and ended it but later on that day after he left my apartment he text me talking about he has a question to ask me i tell him to ask away... this bitch has the nerves to ask me if am cheating (mind you on monday he tells me i am not his girl because remember keenya you didnt want to committ to me) but now he is acting if i am cheating...wtf.. and then you have pics of you and some random bitch ( i try not to call ppl out their name because im sure she dont know about me) but you have pics with this random bitch and you asking me a question like that... so i told him its none of his business and then i ask him about her.. omg he went off. it was sooo bad it turned from texting to calling me to coming to my apartment and it just really got heated, i told him to do us both a favor delete my number and erase me from his memory i am sooo over it... im so over him... i didnt even cry last night... had no emotion towards the entire situation i just went to bed and slept (missed going out too dammit) but im really just over him and im tired, he drained the fuck out of me... i reactivated my facebook this morning and deleted him, his family, and all his friends as my friends because they be lying and i want no part of it.
its so many other things in between but it doesnt matter if i reveal them or not, its not going to change anything that has happened... i just really wish that after we broke up the first time last year i never went back.. that was my greatest mistake that i made when dealing with us

***I AM SOOOO GLAD I DECIDED TO REALLY STICK TO MY PROMISE TO MYSELF TO BE CELIBATE NO MATTER WHAT AND I DIDNT GIVE IN TO HIS OR MY OWN TEMPTATIONS SINCE AUGUST.. I LOVE MYSELF EVEN MORE FOR THAT***

my mind rest on you

EVERY NOW AND THEN MY MIND REST ON YOU.. I THINK OF TEXTING OR CALLING JUST TO SAY HEY OR TO HEAR YOUR VOICE (I PREFER HEARING YOUR VOICE) && THEN REALITY HITS ME.. I KNOW YOU WONT ANSWER, I KNOW YOU WONT RESPOND SO IT MAKES NO SENSE.. I MISS YOU... BUT IM CONTENT

so i miss him, i miss my ex. i miss his smell, his smile and especially his voice.. oww that voice i miss him and it so much. i miss the conversations we had, the silent nights, the fights, passionate days and nights, i miss it all. i miss him like crazy, i miss his touch, i miss eyes, i miss his nose and i definitely miss his mouth.. his lips.. soft pink lips.. i miss him.. i miss it all i miss the man that i once "loved" i miss him..i really thought it would last.. thought i was ready for something more serious than my past. i miss talking to him, seeing him i just miss him in general. wished it would of worked. wanted it to so bad.. but i guess everything happens for a reason. i wish him the best of luck, wish him all the happiness in the world.. only problem is.. I WISH HIS HAPPINESS WAS/ IS WITH ME... damn how can that be resolved?

i forgave you a long time ago

you must find it in your heart to forgive in order to love and live....

i forgave you a long time ago

this has been my away message on my aim for the past two weeks. why so long? because i am tired of my ex boyfriend always messaging me, texting, and calling asking me to forgive him and give him another chance. for some reason he can't understand that me not talking to him has nothing to do with not forgiving him it's just me moving on with my life. and in order to move on i had to forgive him. i forgave him along time ago.

he and i grew up together, we known each other from when i was five and he was ten. we started dating when i was fourteen and he was nineteen. i was in the ninth grade and he was a senior in high school (dropped out for a while). anyway we were together for almost three years and the entire time was damn near hell. he was the first person i had ever been sexual with and the first person to bring so much drama into my life. while with him he got another girl pregnant, the fucked up part about it was that she was his ex girlfriend (the one before me) best friend. i just thought that was foul as hell. but besides getting someone else pregnant he constantly lied and cheated. he slept with two girls that were supposed to be my good friends. both stopped talking to me and one actually came to my house to fight me for him. i always wondered why they kept looking at me the way they did and then just stopped talking to me, i later found out it was because they had been having sex with him. aside from that his baby mother came up to my school to fight me for him. there were at least six or seven different occasions where girls wanted to fight me the oldest was 24 when i was only 16. i knew i wanted to leave him but i didn't know how because he was all i knew and for so long i had liked him. when you are young you don't think as strong as you are capable of and i was one of those. young and dumb. i don't regret him but i will never go back to him.

one night he and i got into an argument over his baby mother coming up to my school and causing drama. i told him it was his fault and he needed to handle it. he felt as though i was testing his manhood. talking led to screaming, screaming led to threats and the next thing i knew he hit me and we were fighting. although i was young i was hot tempered and my mom always told me to never let a man disrespect me and worst of all put their hands on me, so when he did that i blanked out. although he was older and bigger than me i was crazier than him, he ended up jacked up and i was fine. i went home (three doors down) like nothing happened... never date someone in your neighborhood, living to close is bad for relationships sometimes you need your space. seeing him everyday helped nothing. i saw when he was with other chicks. i saw when he was doing things i specifically asked him not to such as hanging out with the wrong crowd on the corner or smoking weed.

while with him i got pregnant and that entire time was a nightmare. the only reason why i was able to leave him is because i moved to georgia. that was the best thing that could have happened to me. even after i move we still had a "relationship" for a while but i ended it a couple of months later. no need fooling ourselves.

* ALMOST FIVE YEARS LATER*

and he and i still keep in contact but its not by choice most of the time. every time we speak we argue. but the arguments are not the same like before. instead of arguing about cheating and disrespect we now argue over giving him another chance, him wanting me to be the mother of his kids, and moving back to new york. everything is what he wants, he is still selfish, still D and he will never change. that is okay with me though because he and i will never be. i change my number and he gets it every single time so i stopped changing it. whenever i am back in ny he will pop up at my grandmothers house, but thank gosh most of the time i am not there. he calls me phony, says im spoiled and i am a bitch because i forgot where i came from and my feelings for him.. i tell him its me getting older and maturing. i am not the same fourteen year old girl that i was before. i am a twenty one year old grown woman. if i remained the same something would be wrong. and for some crazy reason he feels like i owe him a baby. at times i get sad but overall i am happy that things worked out they way it did cause had the baby been here i would be stuck with him. the devil is a lie

i could never forget him... i could never completely write him off... he was my first everything and i could never forget that.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

dennis i forgave you a long time ago.

confused by him

lately my boyfriend and i have not been seeing eye to eye. we have been arguing all the time and its just tiring now. im starting to worry that we are not going to work out and the thought of that hurts. i do care about him, i do love him, i want to be with him. we been together for a year now and the entire time it was great up until this month (april).. .everything was fine. being long distance was never an issue but now i am starting to think it is. part of me thinks its his insecurities kicking in and then the other part of me thinks it is more. i mean we have always been open and honest with one another and then he just all of a sudden shut me out. we dont talk like we used to and when we do speak we are always arguing. he has accused me of cheating and i kind of laughed it off and after that he just kind of shutdown. i dont know what to do anymore. i dont know what to say. two weeks ago he called me accusing me of cheating and then we didnt speak for a while and then out of the blue he calls me earlier this week (monday) asking what were OUR plans for the summer. he was talking about how he misses me, cant wait to see me, he cares about me, we are going to do this and that together and we are going to have fun....he was himself again. he was the man that i fell for. but then that lasted only one day... that day, by tuesday he was back to the mean guy. I AM SOO CONFUSED. i dont know what to do. i have been struggling with the decision of staying with him and making it work or leaving. i know its only been a month that its been like this compared to twelve months of good times but this month has hurt me. i guess things hurt more when you really care but i never thought that i could feel so bad with him. i mean he introduced me to his mother as her future daughter in law. i have met his entire family, so what is the problem?

what do you all think i should do? should i stay, spend the summer with him and see if things go back to normal? or should i just end it now?