text confessions

i posted a blog not too long ago about not telling him how i feel because although we been on and off for four years im still scared of the thought of rejection (if you havent read it click here)... well in that same post i said i didnt know how i was going to tell him how i feel but i did know that i wasnt going to text it to him because that is "childish" (spoken from my own tongue)... well silly ol me i must be childish because i sure did text it to him...
see what had happened was.... i was wasted- shit faced- just done for... i ended up texting him saying that i wanted him to come over and spend the night.. he replied back "lol really u know i got a girl i cant, she gone be mad"... so being the person that i am i told him about himself, cant remember exactly what i said but somewhere in the text i did say "the truth always comes out && it doesnt even matter anymore " he was thrown off guard and was just like "babes chill out, if you want me to come i will come" i told him to go to sleep with his girl its nothing cause like everyone else she not gonna last too long being second best (to me of course)... so we was texting each other back and forth for a minute and i finally just told him everything that i felt. i cant remember exactly what i said because my dumb ass phone deleted my sent messages but i basically told him that i was i dont like him talking to other females because it was rude and although we are not officially boyfriend/ girlfriend he know what it is. i told him that ever since we came out here that we havent been spending time together and i feel like he been acting funny and clearly its because he is under some other chick like he has no sense and that i wasnt going to stand for it. i said some other things but i cant remember
but his response to it all was this:(and this is directly from the text so its accurate lol)
"wow ok u never really told me till now how u felt when kj asked u that night at west ga u said u didnt want to get together u said u didnt want to be in a relationship and now i come out here and i start talkin to somebody and u get mad its like ever since we been out here we been arguin and now u tellin me that im wrong for talkin to somebody its like i aint know for real u know guys are slow u got to tell me stuff. i care i just aint think u wanted that right now so i started talkin to somebody cuz i seen u was talkin to joe alot so i though yall started talkin and so i started talkin to somebody. u know i care, i always have. i just been waiting for u"
i dont remember telling his friend that but he insist i did because he was the one that sent him to ask me those questions & that he was standing by the door listening, i just didnt know. i told him he should of asked me himself because im not dealing with kj im dealing with him & what i will be willing to tell him i wont be willing to tell kj.... i mean thats just common sense to me, but clearly not everyone thinks on the same wavelength as i do..
its been two weeks and since then things have been good, we havent argued at all, he drops me off and picks me up from classes everday, we spend everyday together (not all day though i enjoy my space, at least four hours to myself). its like old times again minus the sex and i like it. we didnt spend valentines day together because my cousin was here for her birthday but the next day we had a great time. his daughter spent the week with us and that was fun... for the past four days he been wanting to sleep over here but i wont let him. i know that if i do we will never be apart after that. i know us, we go from 0 to 60 real quick, get real comfortable with each other like nothing has ever happened. plus if i allow him to spend the night here with me i already know we gonna have sex, i know how we are especially me...


tha unpretentious narcissist © February 22, 2010 at 5:39 PM  

told you guys are slow. you have to tell them how you feel. if you don't us, we don't know. i'm glad things are getting better. hang in there, keep focus on the important stuff. try to hold off on the sex for a minute. make sure yall in the right space before you totally get sucked back into the vortex.