does it mean

i never loved him...

i mean technically i did give up right?!?! when i sent that last message, when i deleted his numbers, threw out every single picture we had and letter we exchanged, when i walked away from it all i gave up.. or was it just simply moving on... his best friend walked up to me on campus today and said "its F-ed up how you did my bruh" (his words not mine) and it made me so mad i just looked at him and walked away... no one knows what i went through with him.. no one.. what i reveal to friends, family, and my personal site is not even half of everything, so for someone else to say some shit like im fucked up, foul, shady.. it just makes me want to curse them out and slap them in their face.. but its fine. i dont ever expect anyone to understand what we had, what i went through i why i chose to leave now.. my cousin asked me "why now? why four years later? you should of been left when all the bullshit started." granted she is right but dont tell me what to do. i did leave so thats all that matters... when it comes to matters of the heart, it cant be controlled. ive always admitted to myself that i tried to hold on to what used to be, i tried to make something work that had failed a long time ago... but in the end i moved on... so does that mean i never loved him?!?! it depends on who you ask but honestly i dont care about others opinions... i know i loved that man, i loved him for four years, its no denying that.. if i didnt i wouldnt have stayed.

@missjay_616- it doesnt mean you never loved him. Could just mean you knew were settling and deserved more
@chaychay28- nope! Not at ALL... dont believe that mess.
@shadae_27- noone can ever truly know what your heart holds for him but God. let God be the judge.

2 comments:

Miss.Fortune September 14, 2010 at 1:44 AM  

i agree..nobody can tell you how you feel/felt about someone because nobody but you and him know everything that went on in the relationship and its YOUR feelings. feelings that you cannot control but definitely feelings that you are aware of. dont listen to ppl when they say what you should/shouldnt do..but then again don't look for advice. every woman or man that is in a messed up relationship know when it is their time to leave..its up to them to do it. now i applaud you on the step forward. may your next step be happiness. muah!

tha unpretentious narcissist© October 9, 2010 at 4:11 AM  

yea i agree with miss.fortune. best advice someone can give you is, "your own". you alone have your reasons & justifications. you have replayed the situations over and over in your head. it is your decision of what your the breaking point is. you don't/shouldn't have to explain yourself to anyone.