GOLDEN MIND: men

Showing posts with label men. Show all posts

Chocolate Cravings Pt. 3

this is in no particular order... but i want to say that trey songz and reggie bush is number one and two.. love them

1. devin thomas

2.idris elba

3. taye diggs

4. bryce lauder

5. thierry henry

6. will smith

7. derek luke

8. reggie bush

9. trey songz

10. 50 cent

i forgave you a long time ago

you must find it in your heart to forgive in order to love and live....

i forgave you a long time ago

this has been my away message on my aim for the past two weeks. why so long? because i am tired of my ex boyfriend always messaging me, texting, and calling asking me to forgive him and give him another chance. for some reason he can't understand that me not talking to him has nothing to do with not forgiving him it's just me moving on with my life. and in order to move on i had to forgive him. i forgave him along time ago.

he and i grew up together, we known each other from when i was five and he was ten. we started dating when i was fourteen and he was nineteen. i was in the ninth grade and he was a senior in high school (dropped out for a while). anyway we were together for almost three years and the entire time was damn near hell. he was the first person i had ever been sexual with and the first person to bring so much drama into my life. while with him he got another girl pregnant, the fucked up part about it was that she was his ex girlfriend (the one before me) best friend. i just thought that was foul as hell. but besides getting someone else pregnant he constantly lied and cheated. he slept with two girls that were supposed to be my good friends. both stopped talking to me and one actually came to my house to fight me for him. i always wondered why they kept looking at me the way they did and then just stopped talking to me, i later found out it was because they had been having sex with him. aside from that his baby mother came up to my school to fight me for him. there were at least six or seven different occasions where girls wanted to fight me the oldest was 24 when i was only 16. i knew i wanted to leave him but i didn't know how because he was all i knew and for so long i had liked him. when you are young you don't think as strong as you are capable of and i was one of those. young and dumb. i don't regret him but i will never go back to him.

one night he and i got into an argument over his baby mother coming up to my school and causing drama. i told him it was his fault and he needed to handle it. he felt as though i was testing his manhood. talking led to screaming, screaming led to threats and the next thing i knew he hit me and we were fighting. although i was young i was hot tempered and my mom always told me to never let a man disrespect me and worst of all put their hands on me, so when he did that i blanked out. although he was older and bigger than me i was crazier than him, he ended up jacked up and i was fine. i went home (three doors down) like nothing happened... never date someone in your neighborhood, living to close is bad for relationships sometimes you need your space. seeing him everyday helped nothing. i saw when he was with other chicks. i saw when he was doing things i specifically asked him not to such as hanging out with the wrong crowd on the corner or smoking weed.

while with him i got pregnant and that entire time was a nightmare. the only reason why i was able to leave him is because i moved to georgia. that was the best thing that could have happened to me. even after i move we still had a "relationship" for a while but i ended it a couple of months later. no need fooling ourselves.

* ALMOST FIVE YEARS LATER*

and he and i still keep in contact but its not by choice most of the time. every time we speak we argue. but the arguments are not the same like before. instead of arguing about cheating and disrespect we now argue over giving him another chance, him wanting me to be the mother of his kids, and moving back to new york. everything is what he wants, he is still selfish, still D and he will never change. that is okay with me though because he and i will never be. i change my number and he gets it every single time so i stopped changing it. whenever i am back in ny he will pop up at my grandmothers house, but thank gosh most of the time i am not there. he calls me phony, says im spoiled and i am a bitch because i forgot where i came from and my feelings for him.. i tell him its me getting older and maturing. i am not the same fourteen year old girl that i was before. i am a twenty one year old grown woman. if i remained the same something would be wrong. and for some crazy reason he feels like i owe him a baby. at times i get sad but overall i am happy that things worked out they way it did cause had the baby been here i would be stuck with him. the devil is a lie

i could never forget him... i could never completely write him off... he was my first everything and i could never forget that.

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dennis i forgave you a long time ago.

lost virginity

it seems as though during the summer is when people, especially young folks lose their virginity the most... don't know what it is but it happens. the summer i lost my virginity was the summer i was going from the ninth grade to the tenth grade. i remember it was about six days before my fifteenth birthday, heres my story:

he and i have known each other for most of our lives,we grew up together when we first met i was five and he was ten (yes we known each other that long). i started to become attracted to him when i was about eleven (hormones started acting up, period was about to start) but i never really said or did anything about it. i remember my mom used to tell me to stay away from him (we lived three doors down from one another) because he was too old and a trouble maker. when i got older around thirteen, fourteen it got worst. my balls grew bigger and he was a lot more blatant with his approach towards me. he always watched me from his window, he would come to my school after the day was over and walk back or take the bus with me back home, bought me things here and there, etc. at that time it was just talking and harmless flirting, nothing major. he was in high school and i was still in junior high. he started dating this girl named debora... she hated me and i never knew why but thinking back i guess it was because she knew that i was after her boyfriend (well at the time i didnt know i was after him just liked him)

fast forward to a year and some months later... it was the summer of 2003 and i was getting ready to head to the 10th grade. he and i had started dating but it was nothing too serious at least for me because i was no fool i knew he was talking to other females as i other guys, we were in two different age groups. by the time august came around we had been dating for three maybe four months... for some reason that summer the tension between he and i was high.. and i was hot.... the day i lost my virginity was six days before my fifteenth birthday. i still remember it like it was yesterday. anyway we had been flirting heavy the entire week. spending more time at his house than usual, he taking me different places, going out together away from the neighborhood more than we usually do. not even taking age into consideration like we did before.. we really wasn't even think about the age difference at this point. the day before i lost my virginity for some reason i was super A. i went to his house and kind of just through myself on him. i couldn't even believe that i came at him like that, i mean i never kissed anyone until that day and i was surprised with myself. anyway after about an hour of foundling, kissing,and alot of touching i jumped up and i went home. the next day came my mom had left for work around seven like she usually do, i let her out gave her a kiss and went back to bed. i am deep in my sleep and around 11 oclock i hear a knock out my door. my bedroom window faced the front of apt complex so i can see whoever was at my door. i peaked through my blinds and there he was. in my head i am like oh sh*t but i got up fixed my hair real quick and opened the door. he came up with some b.s excuse that he wanted to borrow a pen and phonebook. i gave it to him and went back to bed. an hour later he comes back admits that it was phony and that he wanted to see me. so i let him in, we sitting there talking and chilling and out of nowhere he starts kissing me, the young me done forgot what we did the day before and i couldnt remember how to kiss. he is tugging at my clothes and i was like whoa back up. no sooner had i said that i was just like you might as well go for it you been eyeing this guy for years so i did... he was gentle but i never expected losing my virginity would feel like that. it was so much pain and so much blood. i remember he had to keep bringing me back to him and he had to keep grabbing me because i kept running off the bed, at one point i was half way off the bed, my entire top half of my body was hanging off. i don't even think we had sex for ten minutes. i jumped up out of the bed walked really slowly to the bathroom and took a long hot shower.

the day i lost my virginity was one of the worst days ever... never again

in all honesty i wish i never would of had sex that day at that time, but i would never change who i had sex with

Chocolate Cravings Pt. 2

this is my second installment to chocolate cravings... i told you all i will be back with more and i am a woman of my promises... this is a showcase of all the dark sexiness that i can handle... and this time i have included some light chocolate as well in this posting.... i hope you all enjoy.. and one eighteen dont worry i am still coming with your female version....owwwww

1. first i had to start with my man common.... i am sorry but he is one light skin fine piece of wheewww let me slow down...lol...but this man right here yeah he is definitely eye candy, plus he is very intelligent and that is definitely a turn on for me. but yes common can definitely get it anytime and any day.

2. djimon hounsou is one dark skin god of the bodies...do you see this? oh my gosh fell in love with him in blood diamonds, loved him in beauty shop (especially with seeing that he can possibly love a big boned sista...ahh i love it) i wont even lie i wonder what he is like between the sheets and honestly i wont hesitate to find out...pure dark chocolate...can't hate kimora but i am definitely hating on her.

*sidebar: i love the little spec of greys in his facial hair*

3. say what you want ne-yo is sexy as hell to me...especially with that smile.. it melts my socks off... go to one of his concerts and you swear its soft porno...and guess what? i want to be apart of it and the main attraction... ne- yo is hot... sexy and can sing... i wonder what them lips feel like?

4. now would it really be a chocolate cravings list if tyrese wasnt on it... i think not.. i mean come on... dark, hard body, can sing and act... tattoos for days and a body like whoa.. i could just sit back and watch a slideshow of him all day long... tyrese keep the body baby.

* he put it down in baby boy... just had to say that*

5. this man right here... lawddd let me tell you i love me some barack... i just love his name barack. barack. barack. barack.. now imagine saying that a little slowed down with some lust and heat in your voice, with a side of sweat on both his body and yours... omg i am done. anyway i just love him... this man is so sexy and now that he is in the white house and they stressing the hell out of him he has some greys coming out and i love it.. them grey hairs are definitely sexy... let me stop talking about this man before i get bold and challenge michelle at the white house... but he is so damn sexy... i love some barack

dating in the city

so i have been here in new york for a week now (or is it two?) idk i am bad with keep up with time and dates but anyway since being here the dating scene has def been hot...the men have been pleasing to the eyes & very creative with their delivery in trying to talk to me. the pick up lines you hear in new york i promise you, you will not hear anywhere else in the world...i mean its crazy and borderline entertaining. so my first date was two days after i came into the city.. it was with this guy who i have known for about two years now...he literally like loves me to death but im not that attracted to him...but he is such a sweetheart its hard to say no or otherwise "play" him anyway we met up in harlem, went to get something to eat and then went to the movies....it was a fun night..and i wont lie it feels good to be wanted but whatever..we seen the hangover...that was my second time seeing it but since he hadnt seen it i didnt mind seeing it twice although he assured me he would watch and do whatever i wanted to watch and do..but it was a funny movie so i can sit through it twice... my second date was about three days after that and that went good as well...we met up in the city ( i dont let anyone know where i live or stay at) and we sat down and ate at this nice restaurant place near 42nd...we sat and talked...found out more about each other..it was nice and peaceful and a very intimate restaurant and evening. i dont know if i will be seeing him again just because he is not too much my type... i feel bad saying this but he has been calling me and i havent bothered to call him back..not really feeling him but we will see.

now since i been here besides going out on dates i have met a couple of very good looking and nice men... yall i even bagged me a cop...whoooo he is fine...anyway so i have collected a couple of number (17 to be exact..lol) and i have set up a couple of more dates...hey im not too sure about j and i and our future...we havent really spoken since i been here so why not explore and see what else is out there...i refuse to sit and wait for a man to get on board...he needs to get with the program and asap before someone takes his spot..cause at the looks of things it just might happen.... or it might not cause actually im liking this semi-single/single lifestyle...im free to do what i want and not feel guilty...i love it...all i know is that out of all these guys i have met i def want to see the cop again...i mean he was so damn choclate and fine...imagine someone wit nice dark skin, a beautiful smile, soft baby brown eyes, a body like whoaa and he just had a baby face.. he is just cute...plus he is a cop...need i say anymore...HANDCUFFS hello...

ohhhh and i havent even told you about the 50 year old something man that tried to talk to me.. trying to claim he 43 my mom is 42 and this man looks way older than her...he tried to get in with my jamaican accent talking about "ay my girl yu deh from jamaica oh so am i...mi come from a yard inna trenchtown" umm first off idc where you from you not talking to me with three of your front teeth on the bottom row missing right in the front...i dont think so...lol..he was a mess...then he got the nerves to quote me the bible...he gonna quote the book of david talking about when david got sick and none of his wives could keep him warm they had to go and get a younger girl to sleep with him because she was the only one that could keep him warm and bring him back from sickness.... and this is relevant to me how?!?! you damn pervert...anyway thats it for now...i will be writing more soon...later my lovely bloggers.

just a little recap of whats been going on

these past couple of days have been pretty uneventful..nothing interesting. just the normal, school, some relationship things ( i wont call them issues), friends and the randoms...

school:

i took my last final today so i am now officially on break. that final was intense. well anatomy and physioloy is intense by itself let alone the exams my head is always spinning.. anywho i didnt go to bed till after six and then turned right back around and woke up at nine thirty so yeah i was definitely sad that i wasnt able to sleep longer but i rather be tired than fail a class cause i missed my final. so far i am walking out the semester with one A, four B's, and one C. i am not too happy about the C but the A will weigh it out. it was only a one credit course (lab) so its not really that big of a deal. i still feel like i was jipped out of a grade so im in the process of appealing (yes i start early..waste no time)

relationship:

so this weekend my boyfriend called me like if everything was good, we talked for three hrs. he did most of the talking i just listened. i dont know how to feel right now or what to think so im just observing. i have decided that im not trying to make anything work if he is not willing to. it makes no sense to be in it alone. but once again he was acting like everything is good and there is nothing wrong. he was speaking like if we are on good terms like how was used to talk. he is convinced that i have something goin on with someone else especially with "A" i keep telling him that there is nothing there but whatever i just think thats the game he is playing because he doing his own shit. my ex that i will just call "C" i spoke to him as well on friday, just catching up because its been so long. it was great talking to him again it was weird because before he called me i had been thinking about him for a couple of weeks. i mean he has been on my mind alot and i dont know why. he now has a new job and its only three minutes away from my house. we plan on going out and doing lunch this weekend so that should be interesting. "A" and i were supposed to go to the movies this past weekend to see obsessed but i had to cancel because i really needed to study for finals. felt bad but school comes first. im still trying to get over the fact that he is leaving soon for the marines but i cant help but support him because he really wants this and this is the first thing i have ever seen him work so hard for. so i am definitely proud of him. he says he is going to write a letter for everyday he is away and that he hopes i will write back. "of course i will" is what i told him because i will. anyway summer is here so im not really trying to think too much of my boyfriend or get into anything with anyone else. this is my season to do as i please...

friends...:

or acquantances...i have cut alot out of my life. i mean bitches show their true colors when the kitchen gets too hot. i dont have time to have place holders in my life. i just feel like if you are going to be a friend be a friend.... not a part time friend, a seasonal friend....but a FRIEND... a "ride or die fool" FRIEND...i have a couple of ride or dies...and those are my oldest friends so now im feeling like there is no need for me to invite new people into my life.

randoms:

thirty something year old bitch in my class wanted to fight me because i "stare too much"...this lady for some reason looked at my sister and i in the beginning of the semester and automatically made up her mind that she aint like us.. cool whatever...im not going to lose sleep and i am not here for you. point blank simple. all semester she been bitching my sister and i up but never to our face always to fellow students in th biology building. for a second i felt like i was back in high school and she was the super super super senior (x15) i mean lets be real lady you grown. im grown. we both grown. so all semester she never said anything to me come the last day of microbiology class she want to step to me. but she was suprised when i answered her ass back i guess she aint expect it but whatever. i may smile and laugh alot but im no push over. plus i had my "BROOKLYN only the strong survive shirt" so you know i was ready. so she came to me and it went like this

her: excuse me hunny are you okay?

me: why are you talking to me like we are friends

her: because everytime i see you, you are always staring at me!

me:last time i checked these are my eyes so i can look at whoever i please. i didnt know that there were stipulations on my eyes

her: i was just asking because you seem to h....

before she could finish i cut her off

me: to have a problem?! no there is no problem, i just dont like you.. now if you think thats warrents a problem then yes we have a problem

she was shocked i answered her back so she just kept it moving...